Guest Post By La Somnambula
I read an article today about Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff and how he supports his wife Vice President Kamala Harris. He quit his job as a lawyer to follow her to Washington, D.C. (So did Michele Obama, so did Hillary Clinton, but I digress). He is a man who eschews toxic masculinity while still remaining masculine.
It made me reflect on all the real men in my life who have quietly and loudly supported me and the women in their lives. My husband is a real man. I have always made more money than he does, but it has never been an issue between us. We both support our family to the best of our abilities. My husband values my opinions, seeks my advice and is proud of me and my accomplishments. Added bonus, he brings me coffee everyday I am working because he loves me. He continues to make me laugh.
Then there is my son-in-law who believes the sun and the moon set on our daughter. Who doesn’t want that for their child? He even took her last name. (That’s a real man!). He arranged his work schedule around hers, cooks and cleans so she can not only balance her work load as a teacher but also pursue a national teaching certificate. He is a true partner to his spouse.
My brother-in-law worked a job as a line man for Verizon while my sister was an executive at a healthcare facility. The difference in their career choices only enriched their lives, bringing them a wider circle of friends. There was never any competition about who had the “better” job, only a sense of working toward a goal of fulfillment as a family.
I did not know my father-in-law as a younger man, but as Zayde to his grandchildren, he was the antithesis of toxic masculinity. He helped my husband and I care for our daughters when they were young, taking and picking them up from preschool, changing diapers, sneaking candy to them when he watched them as we napped. He adored all his grandchildren, those who lived near and those who lived far and wrote them each special notes on their birthdays to treasure in the years that would part them.
Finally, there’s my own father, product of a bad divorce, victim of Polio at age 3. My father wasn’t perfect, but he wasn’t toxic. He graduated with his BS in Chemistry when I was 9, a product of night school. My mom was a nurse, and Dad always made sure to let my brother and sister and I know how much he valued her work. “Your mom saves lives,” he always said with pride. His goal was to never be like his own parents, but to be a good partner, give his children a good example and always uphold the way forward for us, boy or girl. There is no glass ceiling if you, yourself, don’t believe in it.
As women, I feel we need to support our men, our others, our partners, as much as they support us. Together, always together, we lift each other up. I’m not naive. I know toxic masculinity is a real thing. But it does not represent REAL MEN. Real Men support us and we support them.