I was on the front lines of the war on Halloween befor it was cool
Although my hatred has cooled off a bit recently, you may know that I’m an old time Frightland hater.
It isn’t just Frightland. I hate Halloween, and I hated it befor anyone thought that it was cool to hate on Halloween. But I don’t hate it for all of the right-wing reasons to hate it (e.g. that it is a way for wiccans to recruit people to the dark side). No. I hate it because it is stupid.
Here is a short list of things I hate about it:
1) The song “Monster Mash”
2) Sullen teenagers trying to get in that “one last” halloween.
3) Seven year olds dressed like hookers and pimps.
4) Bullshit stories about poison and razor blades in candied apples.
5) The fact that Americans spend about $950 million on halloween candy.
6) Pumpkins.
I could go on and on.
Good Things About Halloween
1) the kids shouldn’t eat that candy, its bad for you, and mom and dad can stash it for themselves, and didn’t even have to knock on doors to get it
2) adult Halloween parties where hot neighbors dress up as hookers
3) going out the weekend after to shoot the pumpkins with a 30-06 and watch pumpkin guts go everywhere
4)pissing off sullen teenagers who think adults are too old to have parties
5) dressing up on Halloween night and scaring the piss out of the kids, literally
6) asking wifey to keep on the nun costume “just a little longer”
You liberals and your war on Halloween…
And free candy. What kind of example does that set for the kids? Next they will be wanting free health care. Sheesh.
J….I was w/you until you got to pumpkins (the very essense of a frightening sight on a dark and windy night),
“adult Halloween parties where hot neighbors dress up as hookers”
Awesome, Dis.
Us evil conservatives also enjoy denying free candy to sullen teenagers who turn up at your doorstep without a costume.