Read All About It in the Sunday Papers-May 17 Edition

LEAD STORY: The (UK) Guardian: Wingnuts’ Ultimate Fate…To Be Eaten By Liberals?

It’s happened once before! Now, it all becomes clearer to El Somnambulo. Vegetarianism is but a sinister plot by the wingnuts to prevent a repeat of what happened to their predecessors, the Neanderthals: 

One of science’s most puzzling mysteries – the disappearance of the Neanderthals – may have been solved. Modern humans ate them, says a leading fossil expert.

The controversial suggestion follows publication of a study in the Journal of Anthropological Sciences about a Neanderthal jawbone apparently butchered by modern humans. Now the leader of the research team says he believes the flesh had been eaten by humans, while its teeth may have been used to make a necklace.

Just think what this could mean. In one swell foop, you could significantly decrease both food production costs and cow flatulence while, at the same time,  you revitalize the necklace industry! Talk about your green jobs!

Some scientists disagree with this theory. But even under the alternate theories, you can see the potential seeds of destruction being sown for today’s Neanderthal class:

Some researchers believe Neanderthals may have failed to compete effectively with Homo sapiens for resources, or were more susceptible to the impact of climate change. (If you don’t believe in it, you can’t adapt to it.) But others believe our interactions were violent and terminal for the Neanderthals. 

Contrary to what one might expect, and despite the military deferments that Cheney and his ilk received, ‘bulo has been told by a reliable, sharp-toothed source, that Neanderthal tastes more like venison than chicken. 

“Neanderthal: The OTHER (guaranteed All-) White Meat”.

Adapt or perish, suckers!

And, THAT, senors y senoritas, is why the Beast Who Slumbers does the ‘Sunday Papers’ blog. (A tip of El Somnambulo’s blood-flecked napkin to AmericaBlog for this story.)

Washington Post: Gay Marriage Conservative Litmus Test for Supreme Court Nominee

They’ve either given up on abortion or decided that they’ve weakened Roe v Wade sufficiently, but they’ve got a new boogeyman.

They seem especially terrified of Elena Kagan, all the more reason she’s ‘bulo’s preferred choice.

The (UK)  Guardian: Parliament Scandal Threatens All 3 Major British Parties

The Beast Who Slumbers wonders why this isn’t a bigger story across the pond. Could it be that our 4th Estate has been as complacent in ignoring rampant congressional corruption as it has in ignoring the ‘Torture/Cheney/Iraq’ link that has finally come to light? At least the British press doesn’t try to deflect the light from the real scandal onto some manufactured ‘scandal’ fresh from Newt’s lab. Really, just how pathetic IS the American press? America tortured to try to establish a phony link between Hussein and al-Qaida? Newt says it’s Pelosi’s fault, let’s check on that, he’s never steered us wrong before. But that’s another ‘bulo rant for another ‘bulo day.

The big story in Great Britain is that, all three major political parties are caught up in a scandal where a large number of the MP’s were basically stealing public funds to do things like, oh, put extravagant additions on their houses. Not just one or two. Dozens and dozens of them. From one of those ‘discretionary’ funds that just prove too tempting to (Caution: Redundancy Ahead) corrupt lawmakers.

The difference between this scandal and previous British government scandals is that every major party was involved.  A voter revolt is brewing, and it’s fascinating. And, if you just can’t get enough of the sheer greed involved, here’s another excellent take from The (UK) Independent.

Boston Globe: Outstanding Students in US Schools Denied College Chance Due to Immigrant Status

Stories like this explain why the easy bumper-sticker talk that passes for political discourse does not suffice to untangle knotty problems.

Every year as many as 65,000 undocumented students like him graduate from high school nationwide, including hundreds in Massachusetts, according to the National Immigration Law Center in Washington. Ten states, including California and Texas, allow students to pay resident tuition and continue their studies, while several states actively prohibit it, including South Carolina. Private colleges set their own rules; some grant students private scholarships, and others do not.

Massachusetts rejected legislation that would have allowed students to pay resident rates in 2006. The nonresident costs here are double the resident rate, as high as $21,729 a year at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst.

Advocates of stricter immigration controls say the students should not take spaces away from US citizens or legal residents. They say resident tuition is a privilege that should be for US citizens or legal residents only. 

Advocates for immigrants say that children should not be punished for their parents’ actions and that states could benefit by enrolling students who could not otherwise afford college. Massachusetts advocates say state revenues would increase $2.5 million a year if students could pay resident tuition.

What do YOU think?

Chicago Sun-Times: Chicago Priests Defend Obama on Eve of Notre Dame Speech

The Beast Who Slumbers never thought he’d be in the position of defending Notre Dame, aka Notre Lame. Especially since he found out that Vince Meconi went there. But he congratulates them for standing firm in the wake of so much opporition from the Catholic Church, and for inviting Obama to speak. You really have to wonder about a Church that makes one issue so pre-eminent that it can ignore all the good works Obama has done, especially in the Chicago community.

Fortunately, many of the priests with whom Obama has worked over the years have come to his defense.  Not that they should have to.

You can link from the above article to more coverage of Obama’s speech at Notre Dame.

And, Meconi, you’ve gotten your first and last Somnambulo Shillelagh Salute to your fading football factory…

McClatchy Papers: It’s Gonna Be a Rethug Bloodbath in the Florida Senate Race

El Somnambulo wouldn’t be totally shocked if Crist ends up as the Democratic candidate in this race. This is gonna be fun:

TALLAHASSEE — A Republican backlash is brewing against the state and national party as they anoint Gov. Charlie Crist’s U.S. Senate campaign — thereby dissing that of his rival, former state House Speaker Marco Rubio.

From South Florida to Tampa Bay, a few county Republican parties are discussing or passing resolutions telling the state party to butt out of the Senate race or any other primary.

If the state party presses forward, Crist’s election could be rockier than expected and his hand-picked Republican Party of Florida chairman, Jim Greer, could find it tougher to hold on to power.

”I like Jim Greer, but the ball is in his court. He needs to level the playing field,” said Palm Beach County Republican chairman Sid Dinerstein.

”If he doesn’t level the playing field,” Dinerstein said, “we have a serious problem in the Republican Party of Florida and we’ll have to straighten it out at our July meeting. The press might want to be there for that.”

Hillsborough County’s Republican Party passed a resolution Thursday demanding that the state party remain neutral. Palm Beach, Broward, Miami-Dade, Pasco and Hernando counties might follow suit.

The wave of resolutions was fueled by reports that Greer was talking with GOP higher-ups about whether to invoke party ”Rule 11” to expressly endorse Crist.

Come to think of it, isn’t this just like Markell-Carney? Somehow, ‘bulo doubts that the Florida Rethugs will settle this with a Kumbaya moment.

Now, if you’ll excuse ‘bulo, he has some leftovers from last night’s dinner he’d like to finish…