The Carper Break Up Letter

Thinking about Carper reminded me of this letter from the time Carper was working to undermine the President’s Health Care Reform. After this post, I’ll shut up about Carper, because my blogging colleagues don’t like it and I respect their opinions. Also, have no desire to turn into some kind of obsessed crazy person on this topic.

Open Letter From Delaware Democrats to Senator Tom Carper:

Senator Carper,



You are such a worthless, greedy, good for nothing. We are so sick of you that we can barely come home at night. We are through. We’re tired of thinking that we must be wrong and giving you second chance after second chance for you to just sit there and contribute nothing to this relationship. 


We used to be a great team but ever since you started hanging around with Big Pharma and Big Banking things have only gotten worse and worse. First, you stopped paying attention to us. Then, you stopped playing with the kids. Now all you ever do is check out your campaign account balance online and watch old Joe Liberman speeches on Tivo. What happened to the days when we worked side by side as a team? Don’t you miss them? Do you ever miss working on policy together? We haven’t even had common policy goals for years.



We just feel like you’ve given up on “us.” We mean you’ve had plenty of opportunity to help out over the past few months. Yes, it would bother us if you simply did nothing, but we wouldn’t leave you over it. We’re leaving because you don’t contribute anything anymore and you actually make our life harder.

Just like yesterday. We came home after working 12 hours on health care reform. We were exhausted. (We’re not even going to bring up the point that we wouldn’t be working 12 hours on health care reform if you did your job.) But anyway, we came home. The house was a mess. we made dinner, did two loads of laundry, did the dishes, gave the kids baths and helped them with their homework. When we finally got to sit down we fell asleep in the living room chair. THAT’S where we woke up at 3 a.m. 



Okay, now let’s talk about your night last night. When we came home, you were texting you buddy Mike Castle and snickering. You ate your dinner in front of Fox News while we ate in the dining room. You said maybe one or two words to us the whole night and those were mostly to let me know that we were blocking your precious view of Sean Hannity. You never bothered to lift a finger. You watched us lug that heavy laundry up and down the stairs and never even got up to help. Then you went to bed and left us laying there. 



We can’t even remember the last time you kissed us goodnight let alone the last time we made love. We just can’t live like this anymore. We deserve so much better. We deserve to be loved. The kids deserve better. They deserve a Senator who will go out and play ball with them in the yard.

They deserve a role model. We’re sorry, Senator Carper, it’s over. 



– Delaware Democrats