Draft Statement from Senator Carper on his filing for reelection to the United States Senate Found on Train

Today, I formally filed for election to serve the banks (TC, see my notes throughout. “people” sounds better here) of Delaware in the United States Senate.

When I take the train back home to Delaware almost every night, I laugh my ass off at the fact that I have (too much transparency… try “am humbled by”) the opportunity the people of the First State have given me to serve them in our nation’s capitol. Delaware is a place where the petty politics of division and negativity that we see all too often in Washington these days aren’t welcome.

As I do the perfunctory telephone town hall meeting (maybe…”travel up and down the First State”…?), people tell me [blah, blah blah…. inset a bunch of stupid shit people say during the telephone town hall… finish with] …but clearly more work remains to be done.

I look forward to continuing to visit every corner of our state which should take all of one afternoon to talk with Delawareans about how great Republican style trickle-down economics works (insert “we can further reduce our deficit, make sure our government lives within its means” it means the same thing.), and ensure that all Delawareans have a fair shot and the opportunity to succeed through hard work and perseverance.

(wrap it is with some bullshit about “restoring fiscal responsibility and creating a more nurturing environment for job creation” and I think you are good to go.)