haha funny

CEO – chief embezzlement officer.
CFO – corporate fraud officer.
BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER – What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
MOMENTUM INVESTING – The fine art of buying high and selling low.
VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.
‘BUY, BUY’ – A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
FINANCIAL PLANNER – A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
CALL OPTION – Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
YAHOO – What you yell after selling all you owned to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you’re the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.
PROFIT – Religious guy who talks to God.
BILL GATES – Where God goes for a loan.
ALAN GREENSPAN- God (past tense)