Tag: Death
My Thoughts On Beau Biden… And What Really Matters
I wasn’t going to write about this, but, today, Al Mascitti made me cry. He was so choked up as he spoke about Beau and his family. So many memories came flooding back. Painful memories, but memories I wouldn’t give up for the world. I’m also publishing this today due to the comments on the other thread. We’ve obviously “gone there” so let me add my insight.
It’s no secret I was in the “medical privacy” camp, but I sorta stayed out of those debates because I could (sorta) see the other side. It was a different conversation because, imo, it removed the humanity of the obvious situation, and while I didn’t understand that side (and I’m not really here to debate that, altho that will probably happen given the comments on the “memorial” thread) my lack of understanding probably had a lot to do with how many times I’ve been up close and personal to this type of situation.
Dying trumps everything. There are no politics, no career moves, no family squabbles, no test scores – These. Things. Do. Not. Matter. At all. If they matter to you, then that is your luxury.
Here’s the truth: There are no rules, no shoulds, no have tos, in regards to a terminal illness. Just like there are no rules to grief. Death is a solitary experience. No one can tell you how to handle this. There isn’t a “correct” way of doing this. The dying person gets to set the rules.
I’ve written about my experience with my best friend in 2011. Allow me to pull a passage from this post.
When a person faces a terminal illness their perspective changes. Instead of focusing on being “cured” – which they accept isn’t an option – they focus on how much time they can buy. As a 47 year old, divorced mother of two teenage boys my friend was obsessed with buying time. I completely understood.
Time Mattered.
And yet, time was the one thing not discussed. Not by her, or me, or her doctor. It was the elephant in the room. All of us knew time was running out. None of us discussed it. Sometimes saying things out loud makes them more real… too real?
Announcing you are dying is not a simple or easy thing to do – and you get to decide who you share it with and when. If you think it is easy then you have probably not experienced death up close – especially the death of a young person, with children. Saying this truth out loud is nearly impossible. It changes everything. It is admitting defeat. Every day is precious. Every day is a fight and a gift. Every day might be your last.
And telling your children, or having them have to face this reality through the constant chatter of talking heads (Joe Biden went to Delaware. Is he visiting his dying son?) or newspaper articles, is the hardest thing you will ever experience. Dying people don’t care about “your” or “their” concerns or issues – nor should they, because in the big scheme of things any concerns other than their children, spouse and family are things they have moved beyond. Your, our and their concerns are petty. Politics is a silly issue they have moved beyond. (and I love politics, but it goes out the window in this situation.)
End Of Life Decisions
One of the things I value about Delaware Liberal is our community. This isn’t the first time I’ve reached out, and I doubt it will be the last. As I type this I am awaiting a call back from my father-in-law’s senior living apartment’s service coordinator. It’s decision time, which means I’m scrambling for information.
My father-in-law took a fall about a month ago. He seemed okay, and we were fortunate he was given a visiting nurse. I LOVE Medicare! Then yesterday, my phone rang. It was the EMTs calling. My FIL had fallen and was completely disoriented. He was refusing treatment and the EMT called me before they had to call the police – because my FIL HAD to go to the hospital. Of course, he did. I spoke to my FIL on the phone – Luckily, he recognized me – but he still refused to go to the hospital. I told him I was on my way over, then called my husband. By the time we got there the EMTs had finally gotten him on the stretcher. He’s now at the hospital and we’re awaiting test results. Those that have come back have indicated he has shingles, a UTI, occasional cardiac atrial fibrillation and has suffered a series of mini strokes. The hospital expects to keep him for three days.
So, here’s where I’m at, and where I turn to DL for advice.
On Dying
There is a difference between being told you have a terminal illness and being told you’re dying. And between these two things is a big, gaping hole. I want to talk about that hole. A year ago my best friend was told to get her affairs in order. It was quite a blow. As I […]
Recent Comments