“Here I am Lord, It is I Lord”

Here I am Lord, It is I Lord.
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart. 

I thought some of you readers would appreciate a nice hymnal being the Lenten season and all.  While in church this Past Palm Sunday the Gospel by Luke always gets me.  It has to be my favorite gospel of the year to be honest.  Most of the year as a catholic you have to sit there and just follow along.  Bow, sign of the cross, kneel and repeat.  Anywhoooo, I love reading and participating in the gospel.  It is the one time of the year I get to practice my acting skills.  My children are mortally embarrassed though when I do a little adlibbing.  After listening to Peter denounce Jesus 3 times I get all emotional.  Man when that cock crows I feel like a true Christian Zealot!   Then I  just get into the moment like a rabid soccer fan towards the end of the gospel. 

I can’t hold back when Pilate asks, heck begs me to set Jesus free.  That’s the point where I let it all out.  I’m ready for my close up father.  When those of us in the cheap pews get asked if we want to set him free I let it go: 

 “CRUCIFY HIM! CRUCIFY HIM!! CRUCIFY THE BLOODY BASTARD!  CUT THAT SUMBITCH UP IN A MILLION PIECES, TAKE HIS FREAKING HEAD OFF!!  I WANT BLOOD!! LET THAT MURDERER BARABAS GO GOD DAMNIT, I WANT TO SEE THAT MOTHER F’ER JESUS HANGING FROM A CROSS, INTESTINES DANGLING.  I WANT THE CROWS TO PICK HIS EYEBALLS CLEAN OUT OF HIS HEAD”

Man what a rush it is to act.  I know why Tom Cruise loves it.  After my little soliloquy each year, I’m ushered out by the altar boys, I realize the error of my ways by the time I hit the pavement outside.  I enter the church once again on bended knee by the time the homily is over.  I beg for forgiveness and then damn just like that, the church tells me to say a hail mary, an our father and give them $50 to call it a day.  I love the church.  It is the best place to meet all kinds of hypocrites just like myself. 

Pardon me if I got a little off track though.  Anyway, like I said, I tend to adlib a little when I’m on the stage.  I consider Palm Sunday a little like community theatre.  Minus the understudy, bad acting and coffee.  Like I said this is the one time of the year I get to act and I don’t hold back.  I get all caught up with that healing feeling in church.  Very little stops me when the Lord takes me over I have to admit. 

Who am I you ask?  My name, Viti, Donviti and I’m here and I’m not queer.  I’m not politically correct.  I’m not smart.  I’m not right in the head.  I was asked to fill a void left by Jason and to keep you people coming back, entertain you like a clown and perhaps, just maybe inform you of what is going on outside of the Kahunaville closing and the potholes being filled in thanks to that outstanding bastion of information we like to call the News Journal. 

I caught Jason off gaurd I think when I offered my services upon his mentioning that maybe getting a few more bloggers to post on his site would be a good thing. I’m sure he is regretting every single second that he offered to me this opportunity.  He offered, I accepted. It might have been more like he was driving down 13 picked up a prostitute, I jumped into the car, he saw I was a crack whore and by then it was too late, I was in the car for entire ride like it or not. 

I hope I don’t dissapoint you.  Just a little about what to expect from me….not much.  I like to think if you have low expectations of me then I can’t help to exceed them.  I wanted this little introduction to be the opportunity to start myself off on the right foot with some of you readers that have no idea who I am.  I wanted to impress you all with my verbal weaponry.  My ability to assualt the english language like a 15 year old with an uzi in a school cafeteria.  My no holds barred attitude.  My completely relentless style to not hold back and worry about offending anyone.  After all there is only one person I have to answer to in the end…….and my wife doesn’t know I’m blogging over here. 

Since I know you are beyond being impressed at this point, I will just say, I say it like I see it.  If I cared what people thought by now I would be a lot farther ahead in my career and not find myself wasting countless minutes of my day on a blog.   I touch on the national scene.  The stuff that makes my blood boil and should make your’s too.  The national stuff affects us just as much as the local.  Astra Zeneca got a brand new highway all for gracing the great state of Delaware with jobs.  How swell they were to do that for us…..That and some boner medicine of course for Joe Biden.    

 Anywhooooo, I want to thank you all for taking the time to read this rant if you even got this far.  I want to thank you in advance for reading what I write if you do.  Expect more of the same crazed, ADHD incoherent style of banter. 

Thanks Jason for giving me 10 minutes on your couch the other night.  I wont disappoint you.