A Donviti dilemma
I must admit I’m very confused on this one. The Mrs. Hotviti and I through the miracle of a turkey baster concieved a cyborg. Amazing, I know. But here is the issue. I’m not sure what religion to get the little bastard baptized with.
Soooooo, I was thinking I just take the thing around to different churches and cover all my bases? I was going to work my way through all the religions alphabetically so as not to offend anyone by choosing them first. I’m not sure if one baptism cancels out the other too? Does anyone know how God views that one? Do two Protestant type religions cancel a Catholic one? How about a Greek Orthodox?
Dang man so much to consider….
In which political party are you going to register the infant? Which economic theory should the newborn espouse (Keyesian, Smith, Friedman, Marxist)? Why is “baptism” a requirement if these others are not?
How about this? When the child is old enough to understand (say 13) send her or him to courses on all the world religions. Basic training should last several years. Then by age 18 – 21 the yound adult will be able to make his or her own informed decision. I wonder what the choice will be….
DG
If that post meant Mrs. Hotviti is preggers, then congratulations!!!
Regardless of the religion, if the Hotvitti-ette is male, DO NOT go for circumcision. Barbaric practice. The only drawback is that if the little Hotvitti follows the rumor of his Hotpapas endowment, keeping his “captain’s hat” may make him consider a career in films.
Friedman for sure DG! Was there ever a doubt?
if I don’t baptise my child she will be cursed with original sin. Then if she is run over by a bus she goes to hell. I can’t have that sort of guilt hanging over my head
not a chance it will be a boy….but yes, the wife and I have already begun to battle with that. I told her we can do a vaginal circumcision if it is a girl if she is so dead set on it.
Are you ok with an equally hot Viti who, having the advantage of youth, will soon eclipse her father’s famed hotness? Will feeling like Robert Redford standing next to Brad Pitt create any issues?
DG’s #1 comment reminds me of a story. There is an island in a bay near Edinburgh Scotland where an ancient King sent infant twins and a mute nursemaid to live for 13 years.
The King decreed that they would live without any contact with the outside world because he wanted to discover the original and natural language of mankind.
After 13 years a boat went to the inland and brought the children and the nursemaid back to Edinburgh.
The language they were speaking: Hebrew.
I heard the same story but with a different ending. When they came back to get the children, they had died of exposure.
The lesson being: DV, don’t leave your kid on a cold rock for 13 years.
Don’t forget Pastafarianism!