I’m not sure what to say

But I think I understand it now.   It was funny.  I laughed, not out loud, but sort of like when you burp a little but not enough to have to let it out.  It festered around in my gut for a half second and then it passed. 

Now this entire, Hottest Blogger Vote has run it’s course.  I’ve decided it is over.   Weeeee.  Wasn’t that fun.  We all had a little giggle.  But what did it solve.  LG, no offense, but I feel I have to protect you.  Listen, I feel like Cher in Mask at this point.  I know you are beutiful sweetheart.  I really, really do.  But you see, the rest of the world, well they are mean.  So mean.  They don’t understand your beauty.  What you bring to the world is not seen when you walk down the street.   What I have is and so automatically that makes me a good person. 

I’m not saying I deserve this.  I’m saying it’s my title.  It’s my destiny.  No wait, it’s my right actually.  I’m going to do what it takes to keep my title.  So, you have forced me to go where I didn’t want to go.  Quite honestly, I think you have gotten a free pass at this point by the readers here.   They don’t see you like I do. 

So dear readers I feel it is my duty to peel off a few layers of this onion that is LG.  Last week I was out bowling.   Yes bowling.  I bowl every week with my beer drinking buddies.   There came LG, he had a brand new bag, and sort of looked like this guy. I know, I know but I think it is only fair.  He was a horrible bowler.  I mean it was awful to watch.  So there I was just hanging out with my friends. You know regular guys. We are all church goers too. Sure one of us is Jewish, but that’s a long story. So there we are like, all having beer, talking about guns and discussing what are preacher had talked about on church. Just regular guys. Hanging out.

Then BAM, LG man…what else is there to say. So that’s just one story ladies. I can throw out more. But I think a picture is worth a thousand words. Sorry, LG, but this is the right thing to do. I don’t think you have the experience to be Delaware’s hottest blogger. You’re cute, cuddly, but the type of stuff you are going to have to deal with is, well it wouldn’t be fair to the ladies.

Ladies, it’s 1:30 am, the bars have closed you are needing a little comfort. Who are you going to call? Have you given it any deep thought? Let’s think about it, you want to go somewhere you will feel safe. You will be with someone that has experience. That knows what to do in any situation. He will take control and stay the course. In times like these you can’t just HOPE that things are going to be ok. You don’t want CHANGE. You want what you know is going to be good. You want that experience…don’t you….of course you do. So let’s stop all this (picture me comforting you now, handing you a glass of wine, in front of the fire, hand on your thigh) It’s okI know that you think you know what you want. But I know what you need. Shhhhhhhh, let’s stop all this madnessssss

I hate for it to come to this LG. It’s for the best of Dellib though. It really is. These other idiots at FSP, Comic loving Queens, or just plain batty rabid wingnuts will do or say anything to knock you down. Like I have said. It’s all to protect you.

Don’t make me tell them about your wife. It’s not fair to bring her into this. She’s to educated to have to deal with the scum of the earth like my wife and I can. She needs to stay in her 10 bedroom home and make sure the drapes match the carpet. Important things. I don’t need to tell you that because she makes way more than you that could become a liability for you. We know she has a jealous streak worse than a sea otter. I’m not saying she is a sea otter, but they could. I care about her too much to let that happen. My wife and I, we have an understanding. I have a duty to fulfill and do it with a fervor few men have when it comes to this type of work. I don’t sleep unitl I know everyone has been satisfied. Can your wife, what’s her name? Muffy? Will she let you do that? Can you really give it your all?

I really think that if you look deep down you will see that you aren’t ready or qualified for this job. I think you will see that you have had a pretty easy road so far. I have struggled. As an Italian American I have been there. I served my country. I provided you that blanket of security for 4 years. I was on food stamps, WIC and have even had to pay child support. I have made it. I have broken through cielings. Have you?

I fear for you LG. But I fear more for this title and what will happen to it if it get’s in your hands. I think it’s cute what you have done up to now. But, lets stop this, join forces. You can be Robin to my Batman. You can be Peter Parker to my Spidey. You can be Frodo to my Gandalf. It will be a great ticket. You can learn from the next room over. I promise to let you know when I think you are ready…