Cheney To Speak At Republican Convention From Section 109, Row 56, Seat 3

WASHINGTON—Vice President Dick Cheney’s office announced today that he will speak at the upcoming Republican National Convention in St. Paul, MN, offering farewell wishes and personal observations about John McCain to anyone in the vicinity of his seat in the upper balcony. “The vice president has prepared a number of remarks to mutter angrily during Sen. Tom Coburn’s speech,” Cheney spokeswoman Megan Mitchell said. – The Onion