McCain To Quit

Filed in National by on October 9, 2008

(DL News Wire) – In a stunning move John McCain will announce today that he is quitting the Presidential campaign, said several high-ranking campaign staffers. After admitting defeat in Michigan last week, McCain quietly shut down all the campaign offices in the rest of the 49 states on Wednesday.

While on the Straight Talk Express, Rick Davis, McCain’s campaign manager, was visibly upset and only said, “No Comment”.

“We tried everything from Ayers to Religion, from Experience to the POW card and nothing stuck,” said a source within the McCain campaign. “Apparently, the American public is more interested in issues and we just weren’t ready for that.”

Some Republican analysts say this is a bold move which will shore up his support and ride McCain to victory in November. When asked how McCain could win after he has quit, one Republican analyst said, “Ignoring the obvious is what we do.”

McCain will make his announcement today at the Sunrise Bar and Grill in Flagstaff, Arizona. Staffers say that McCain will personally thank his supporters, the Coral Gabels Senior Citizens Center Tuesday Morning Pinochle Club.

In related news, Gov. Sarah Palin has already returned to Alaska and reportedly has released the flying monkeys.

Tags: ,

About the Author ()

A Dad, a husband and a data guru

Comments (12)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. RSmitty says:

    I heard about this. He apparently was muttering something about a post on delawarepolitics and realizing he took the wrong path in his campaign. Be gentle with him, he’s wraught with guilt over the revelation.

  2. anon says:

    Clever. I like the DL News Wire and the clause, “in related news…..”

  3. pandora says:

    Too funny and far too easy to believe.

  4. anon says:

    Palin is not ready to be Vice President until she can snatch the pebble from Dick Cheney’s hand.

  5. Von Cracker says:

    Don’t count McCain out just yet.

    I’m sure Bu$hCo is currently brokering an “October Surprise” as we speak.

    …I’m sure there are a few of our trolls who would be willing to blow themselves up for the cause. They’ll just have to change their names to Hussain first.

  6. Unstable Isotope says:

    I wish!

    There’s a new article out yesterday about how McCain has prepared absolutely no transition team. Perhaps he knows something?

  7. anon says:

    What on earth would a President McSame need a transition team for? Just change the official portrait in the Oval Office, and done.

    Besides, a transition team would have to “vet” people.

  8. anon says:

    the official portrait in the Oval Office

    or wherever the hell it is

  9. anon says:

    Seriously though – isn’t the McCain campaign overdue for the ritual firing of the campaign manager and staff shakeup?

  10. pandora says:

    True, anon, and he’ll need to do something soon since Mr. Erratic has already changed his brand spanking new economic plan… because it was so last Tuesday.

    http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1008/14414.html

  11. kilroy says:

    Somebody inhaled

  12. Susan Regis Collins says:

    I just hope the Flying Monkeys follow the North Star, find Palin, form a tight circle, fly around her head and pull off that wig, Paris Hilton like hair extenders, rat’s nest, or what ever else she is trying to pass off as her very own hair.

    (Yes, I’ve made a short study of her ‘do’s and some or all of that mane is not growing outta her head.)