(DL News Wire) – In a stunning move John McCain will announce today that he is quitting the Presidential campaign, said several high-ranking campaign staffers. After admitting defeat in Michigan last week, McCain quietly shut down all the campaign offices in the rest of the 49 states on Wednesday.
While on the Straight Talk Express, Rick Davis, McCain’s campaign manager, was visibly upset and only said, “No Comment”.
“We tried everything from Ayers to Religion, from Experience to the POW card and nothing stuck,” said a source within the McCain campaign. “Apparently, the American public is more interested in issues and we just weren’t ready for that.”
Some Republican analysts say this is a bold move which will shore up his support and ride McCain to victory in November. When asked how McCain could win after he has quit, one Republican analyst said, “Ignoring the obvious is what we do.”
McCain will make his announcement today at the Sunrise Bar and Grill in Flagstaff, Arizona. Staffers say that McCain will personally thank his supporters, the Coral Gabels Senior Citizens Center Tuesday Morning Pinochle Club.
In related news, Gov. Sarah Palin has already returned to Alaska and reportedly has released the flying monkeys.