A Donviti Thanksgiving Eve Classic/Exclusive

As you all know, earlier this week I sort of had a little bit of an implosion.  I sort of overreacted a little.  In an attempt to keep all things happy in Donviti land the gang decided that it would be great to air our grievances.  We decided to air our grievances at Timothy’s on the lovely Wilmington Waterfront.  What better a place to air our grievances than at a place where Dreams Come true for a few half dozen people that don’t live here and are trying to take the land away from a guy that repairs cars for a living.

Ahhh yes, the Wilmington Waterfront.  It should be interesting to see what happens to it now that the Real Estate market has dried up.  I’m sure with all the tens of thousands of banking jobs coming to Wilmington over the next few years that those few thousand Condo’s with 4000.00+ real estate tax bills are going to sell like Afghany Heroin in Riverside baby!  BPG baby!  Awesome!

But I digress.

So we decided that we need to have it out all because I was trying to keep it real so to speak.  All because of little ol me.  I stirred the pot and now I need to listen to all the whiney bitches on the blog complain about me and the posts I write.  Yadda, yadda, yadda.  Whoopdie do, Donviti wrote another post that someone didn’t like in Dover.  God forbid they see the word Fuck.  Their vagina’s or penis’s might shrivel up and fall off.  ladida, I’m offensive (picture hands waving in air) I’m a renegade and I offend people.

So there we all were.  We agreed to meet at 7:30.  The busiest drinking night of the year and they have called an emergency meeting.  GREAT, call out the alchie to a bar on the most popular drinking night of the evening.   I might as well had a sign on my car that said I’m “JOHN ATKINS”

I think we all know that my reputation proceeds me.  After all, I am Delaware’s First Hottest Blogger.  It’s a cross I carry what can I say.  You come hear to read me.  In fact, I know for a fact that several people have this website as their homepage or it is the first website they go to in the morning.  But we don’t need to put stupid quotes on our blog from Radio Host’s or Politicians stating they love us.  We know you do, it’s ok.  We know that despite my offensive nature you read my entire posts.  Sure you may squirm a little, but that’s ok.  That squirming you feel in your genitalia, it’s normal.  I do that to people.  Relax I say.  Relaxxxxx, your genetalia will thank you if you just sit back and go with it.

The Mrs. Viti wasn’t about to just let me go out the door to the dozens of awaiting Delaware Cougars.  I finally had to kick her in the teeth because she was grabbing at my ankle like a starved jackel clinging to it’s latest victim.   “No Donviti!  Don’t leave me!  I will service you!  Any way you want!  i don’t care how big it is or how much it hurts.  I will service your load!”  I had to tell her, “NO! I will not allow you to treat me like this woman.!”

It is sort of embarrassing when your wife is tugging on you not to leave the house.  But I was off like a Civil War soldier defending his country’s honor.  I had to go.  I told her that I am not an object that can just  e pleased with heartless tasks!  I have feelings.  I will not be used like some toy that has no feelings.  I have a heart.  I breathe warm hot breaths that aren’t just meant for huffing onto the backs of your ear lobes.  I have a range of emotions that pulse through these veins of mine.

As I left I said I don’t care how big my pile of laundry is and how bad it hurts your back, I will not allow you to do it for me.  It’s the kind  of guy I am and no matter what lengths women go to please me, I will not allow them to service my load…..of laundry  I just won’t.   No matter how big my load of laundry is, I do my own whites!  It’s who I am.  I won’t let a woman debase herself for any of my loads.

So, I was off to perform my duty like any good soldier that wasn’t a rich white kid able to get a deferment for a war he didn’t want to die for.  i showed up to Timothy’s to recieve my tongue lashing from several people.  Unfortunately it was from Geek and Jason and not from this hot ass chick that works at my new job.

As I walked into the bar, I noticed it wasn’t as busy as I thought it was going to be.  Which was just fine with me.  I’m still a hottie, even if I don’t have a title, and being a hottie is not something I feel like being burdened with on a night when grievances are being aired.  As I walked in I noticed Delaware Dem trying to act casual and cool by looking at his Crackberry.  It didn’t work, I know the game.  It sucks arriving first, someone has to, not me, I’m cool, I arrive when people are already there and act excited to see the hot guy about to take away all the attention from the chicks.

Behind DD was a table full of folks and that was pretty much it for the bar.  Wow that BPG is really pulling in the $$$ for the business in the riverfront.  Way to go Baker!  Awesome!  As we started conversing and preparing our opening remarks with each other a few other DL folks walked in, I believe X and his beautiful wife.  I can’t remember if anyone else was there to witness the spectacular sight I am about to describe to you or not, but I had enough witnesses and that is what mattered.

As I have said in the past, I am good looking.  Chicks take notice.  Guys take notice.  It happens, I get it, I like it, I accept it. But, you all think I’m full of shit and this is just an act.  Don’t you?  You think I’m so fat slob that can’t get a job and has to resort to pimping himself to improve his self esteem, don’t you?  Some of you wish that I wasn’t so attractive.  That I’m not who I say I am and am just some worthless spanish teacher that makes fun of people voicing their opinion and reads comic books in his spare time.  Well I’m not!  I’m not bitter and angry and hope that other people fail.  I don’t wish that sort of tragedy on anyone, no matter how bad I hate them.  It’s not who I am and it is what make me that much more attractive, intriguing and appealling as a human being.  Not to mention the fact I’m not afraid to do my own loads.

We were talking about the blog indescreetly, so obviously the people behind Del Dem over heard us and one of the hotties at the table obviously was able to put 2 and 2 together and figured out who I was.  Now, I want to be the first to tell you that I don’t see people for their looks or anything  What’s important through all of this post is to acknowledge that I Donviti may tell a tale or two to get a point across.  But, what is also important is to know that you don’t know WHEN I am telling a tale or not.  I may toss in some spice here and there to hold your attention, but when the spices are being added and when the aren’t is part of the allure.

We all know it’s a Fact:  I’m hot, Chicks Dig me, I can make you scream 6 ways to Sunday and I’m about as intriguing as a person can get that writes on the most popular website in Delaware.   So, there we were yucking it up over my latest self created fiasco when a hottie, stops us dead cold in our conversation and says, “Are you Donvit?”

“Yes”

“I read you”

OHHHHHHHHHHHHH YES>>>>>>> THAT

JUST

HAPPENED

BABY!

You see people, I don’t make this shit up.  Now I will say that this sort of thing happens all the time to me when I go out so I barely recognize the stares I get in public, the hugs, the request for autographs.  I usually don’t take note of it, it happens so often it has become part of my daily routine when I go out in public.  I now know why my wife was clinging onto my leg like a bear trap.  I get it, but I will say again I hardly notice when a 5’8″, 130lb, jeans wearing, smoothe tan-skinned,  shoulder length brown haired, stylish glasses wearing, sexy lipped woman with waxed eyebrows and body shaped like an hourglass asks me if I’m Donviti.  I get it all the time.

But, when it happens in front of DelLib contributors that may doub me, it makes it that much sweeter.

So, Katie, if you are out there, I owe you big time, sexy.  And just so you know, my way of thanking you will be to allow you to service my huge load any time!

Call me….