There’s been a lot of talk about virgins lately and the stigma attached to sexually active women. As usual, Amanda Marcotte, at Pandagon, has written a piece for TPM that’s definitely worth a read. It’s based on a book entitled The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virgintiy is Hurting Young Women. I’ve included Amazon’s synopsis of the book below.
The United States is obsessed with virginity — from the media to schools to government agencies. In The Purity Myth Jessica Valenti argues that the country’s intense focus on chastity is damaging to young women. Through in-depth cultural and social analysis, Valenti reveals that powerful messaging on both extremes — ranging from abstinence curriculum to “Girls Gone Wild” infomercials — place a young woman’s worth entirely on her sexuality. Morals are therefore linked purely to sexual behavior, rather than values like honesty, kindness, and altruism. Valenti sheds light on the value — and hypocrisy — around the notion that girls remain virgin until they’re married by putting into context the historical question of purity, modern abstinence-only education, pornography, and public punishments for those who dare to have sex. The Purity Myth presents a revolutionary argument that girls and women are overly valued for their sexuality, as well as solutions for a future without a damaging emphasis on virginity.
Everyone with me now? Okay, let’s talk virginity. There has always been a somewhat mystical quality to virgins, while at the same time there exists a stigma, a certain sell by date that transforms virtue into disorder. Honestly, I don’t know how I survived my teenage years. The messages were so conflicted. Some girls wore their sex lives and/or virginity as a badge of honor, while the rest of us, on both sides, lied about our true status to save face with whatever group we found ourselves slumber partying with. On the flip side, boys tended to either be sexually active or lie about being sexually active – because, let’s face it, virginity wasn’t/isn’t anything to brag about when it came/comes to the teenage boy and the pressure they face to score is daunting. But, that’s a post for another day!
Right now, I want to discuss women. I traveled back to high school because I believe this is where the slut vs good girl truly begins. But it sure as hell doesn’t end there. And that’s the problem. Being a sexually active woman means a lot more than having sex. It has permeated into all aspects of who a woman is. Traits such as trustworthiness, being a good mother, self respect, and honesty are linked to the number of lovers a woman has had. And while “the number” between being a slut and a good girl varies from person to person there’s no doubt that “the number” exists. Why it exists, and what it signifies, is the point of this post. To me, the labels attached to sexually active women and virgins are simply a way to exert control. (And, yes, women are just as guilty as men of attaching these labels – sad, but true.) Bad girls have sex, and if they get punished pregnant, then they have an abortion, while good girls who become bad girls because they had sex can reclaim their good girl status by having the baby. Sorta. Because, let’s be honest, that’s not always the case and the number of those casting judgment is daunting. The judgers are also inconsistent – Jamie Lynn Spears vs Bristol Palin, anyone? Seriously, what’s a woman to do?
Enter the virgin ideal – and I use the word ideal because that’s exactly what it is, and if you don’t believe me than ask yourself how many wedding night virgins you know. Hmmm… thought so.
But my real question is this: Why is virginity more than not having sex?