Both locally (oh, yeah, I’ve got pictures) and nationally!
This is so cool that I’m fighting the urge to lapse back into the Third Person to tell this story.
You may have read that perennial Rethug hack and aparatchik Ron Poliquin has thrown his hat into the ring for the 31st RD seat currently held by Rep. Daryl Scott.
You may not know that “The Honorable” RGP throws his spandex-encased frame around the wrestling ring as well. This is really him as only patrons of the Dynamite Championship Wrestling circuit know him:
“THE HONORABLE”
If elected, Poliquin could become the first Delaware public official to have shared a bill with Women’s Oil Wrestling and taken part in an event featuring “VIP Couch Seating With a Personal Waitress” for $20. Seriously. It’s in the article. Ladies and Gentlemen: Your Republican Family Values Candidate. Although, to his credit, he keeps his unibrow neatly-trimmed (he’s a lawyer, after all).
When not confusing wristlocks with wristwatches (Shoutout to Classy Freddie Blassie), Poliquin represents Rethug Family Values in the courtroom. In this case, the values of Mark Schaeffer and Family, as chronicled by Ron Williams:
One of his revolving-door personal Republican lawyers, Ron Poliquin, insists that it was perfectly acceptable for Schaeffer to hand out absentee ballots prior to last week’s town election because it’s “common practice in Smyrna,” and therefore perfectly legal. This is because the “Township Manager gave Mr. Schaeffer the ballots to deliver on its behalf.” (We have Delaware townships now?)
I will not belabor the obvious. Suffice it to say that I’m looking forward to mining a year’s worth of comedic gold from this story.
And nothing says comedic gold quite like having a McMahon (from the WWE ‘roid-circus McMahons) running for the US Senate from Connecticut.
After spending about 6 minutes on the Connecticut Board of Education, a nomination that was forced through by Gov. Jodi Rell, Linda McMahon, wife of batshit-crazy Vince McMahon, has decided that she will run for the seat currently held by Chris Dodd. While Dodd is certainly a vulnerable incumbent, the retiring CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment might just have some family values issues of her own to deal with. Here’s just one of the classy story lines that WWE trotted out for its ‘family-friendly’ audience under her stewardship. From Global Oneness:
According to the storyline, Triple H came forward with information about an unrequited relationship Kane had with a young woman named Katie Vick. Shortly after Katie refused to pursue the relationship, she died in a car accident. Kane, who was the driver, then allegedly raped her corpse. Triple H later made good on threats to show footage of Kane completing his “crimes.” However, the footage clearly showed Triple H (dressed as Kane) simulating necrophilia with a female mannequin. Numerous TV viewers, already disgusted with the storyline, were outraged at what they saw.
And did I mention that Triple H is/was Linda McMahon’s son-in-law in real life? Did I mention the ‘feud’ she had with Vince on TV about her daughter’s storyline ‘abduction’? Or the Linda ‘nervous breakdown’ storyline in 2000 (Vince was calling himself the ‘Genetic Jackhammer’ at the time as Linda, in the storyline, wanted another baby but Vince didn’t, at least, not with her)? Or the onscreen ‘affair’ Vince had with Trish Stratus while his wife was allegedly comatose in the sanitarium following her breakdown?
Oh, and what could possibly define family values more profoundly than the Vince McMahon Kiss My Ass Club?:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4JcuCu4r18[/youtube]
I would personally like to thank Ron Poliquin and Linda McMahon for giving me the gift that will keep on giving. I thank both of you for opening yourselves up to extensive public ridicule. I will do my best to not let you down.