Dr. L,
Should I eat a McDonald’s Mac Snack Wrap ™ sandwich?
Signed,
Greenwood Gourmand
Dear Greenie,
Your email has a sense of urgency to it. I get the impression that you are in a McDonald’s holding a McDonald’s Mac Snack Wrap ™ sandwich in your hand and you are waiting for the green light. Since Liberal Geek prints out these emails, drives them to New Haven, then conveys them to my secret office via a complex system of pneumatic tubes of the kind you can still find operating in vintage 1930’s era office buildings, and I respond in long hand depending on Liberal Geek to type them up without injecting too many typos, I hope that is not the case.
I’ll assume that your question is slightly more philosophical than practical so I’ll give you a couple of things to consider.
The first thing you have to ask your-self is, what would you eat instead of the MacDonald’s Mac Snack Wrap ™ sandwich? If the answer is a Movie Theater box of Mike & Ikes – then eat the McDonald’s Mac Snack Wrap ™ sandwich. If the answer is a Roasted Asparagus Salad with Goat Cheese and Bread Crumbs – then eschew the MacDonald’s Mac Snack Wrap ™ sandwich and eat the salad.On a deeper level, you need to ask what you are saying about yourself and America if you eat the McDonald’s Mac Snack Wrap ™ sandwich? Or to quote Jack Kerouac, “Wither goest thou, America, in thy shiny car at night?”
Wither?….I’ll tell you wither. It is clear to me that either the McDonald’s Mac Snack Wrap ™ sandwich is a part of a devious scheme to soften us up for an outright “Red Dawn” Mexican takeover of America by replacing sesame seed rolls with warm flour tortillas, OR the McDonald’s Mac Snack Wrap ™ sandwich is a social media marketing ploy devised to allow McDonalds customers in the spendy young demographics to eat while tweeting stuff like “Yo eatn McD Mac Snack Wrap…OMG! Killer!” with their free hand.
Either way, don’t eat a McDonalds Mac Snack Wrap ™ sandwich. If you do you will be one of those sad guys who goes around pretending to be younger than he is, or someone who hates America. Also, when is Delaware going to get an In and Out Burger? That stuff is the fucking bomb.