Ask Dr. Liberal: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Biden
Dear Dr. Liberal,
Since Tiger Woods seems to be on the cusp of declaring himself to be a sex addict, do you think that means he would have sex with me?
Signed,
Ready for Wood(s)
Dear Ready,
Years ago we had a name for guys with Tiger’s type of sex addiction. We called it being horny. Please note that I am not disparaging actual sex addicts. I’m just saying that Tiger is probably not one. If he is addicted to anything, he is addicted to making hundreds of millions of dollars and “sex addiction” helps him return to making
hundreds of millions of dollars.
That said, I am relived that Tiger has chosen “sex addiction” as his route back to public acceptance rather than conversion to “Christianity.’ To me, crying and hugging Brit Hume while confessing his sins on Fox News seems a lot less dignified to me than crying and hugging Bob Costas while cursing his dread disease on ESPN.
So, no. Tiger Woods would not have sex with you.
Next!
Dear Dr. Liberal,
Does the Scott Brown win in Massachusetts have any impact on the Delaware Senate race. Or, to be more specific, is it more likely now that Beau Biden will sit out the Senate race this year?
Curious in Camden
Dear Curious,
Beau? I’m wondering about Joe Biden? What does he do now that the Obama Presidency is as over as Madonna’s marriage to Guy Ritchie? Does Joe run against Obama in a primary? [Aside: Just kidding. Untwist thy panties Sir Nemski.]
But seriously Curious, your question is astute. The fact is that the Democrats loss of Ted Kennedy’s seat to a nudist with Republican devil horns clearly visible under his receding hairline, spells bad news for Beau boosters.
Since Democrats stand for nothing, what could Beau’s platform possibly be? “Hi, I’m Beau Biden?” While that is enough to get elected to Delaware AG, it seems thin to me for a Senate race.
Corrections:
Since I once again have nothing from last week to correct (SUCK IT MEDIOCRITY! ), I will use this space to revise and extend my remarks on Beau Biden.
The very act of thinking about what Beau Biden might do reminds me of how much we are like Plato’s cave dweller’s when it comes to discerning political reality. We can see shadows dance against the wall and imagine that they mean something, but if ever we broke our chains and climbed into the light of day and glimpsed the actual reality of Mike Castle getting a backrub from Misty Seamans – our bafflement and gobsmackedness would cause us to suddenly melt into rancid puddles of sea water.
The Doctor is out.
Tags: Dr. Liberal
Sex addict: Someone who gets more sex than you do.
Tiger’s problem isn’t that he’s getting too much sex; it’s that he’s married.
Funny how his being married used to be part of the perfect image he was selling to Nike et al. Now it turns out if he would have been better off not being married at all.
I think the Delaware Way is at a full stop trying to resolve its paradox of a Biden going up against Mike Castle. It is a situation that isn’t supposed to happen.
I don’t know what the hell Beau stands for anyway.
A year ago Ihad thought that Beau could run hard as a real Democrat, but I doubt that he has the balls for that kind of thing now.
“… but I doubt that he has the balls for that kind of thing now.”
Are you kidding? Beau has the balls. But they are being kept in a very safe place by his Dad.
Beau can dream all he wants about taking dad’s old senate seat. First he needs to get past Dr. Earl Bradley. Fair or not, Beau will have to defend letting this perv walk the streets for even 10 minutes of his tenure as AG, let alone the months and years it went on.
ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL, BEAU.
Asleep at the wheel, my ass. Bradley has been molesting children since Beau was in Jr High School.
“We called it being horny.”
Exactly! When I was his age, I was getting more ass than a portable toilet seat at Lilith Fair. Who would have imagined I needed therapy?
“Bradley has been molesting children since Beau was in Jr High School.”
All that matters for Beau is the years under his watch. Feel free to indict any other twit in charge, but Beau answers for his tenure.
How would any of us be able to determine if Tiger Woods was a sex addict? If one of the determinants of addiction is that you do it even when it might very well put your life in the dumper, I think he could check THAT box off.
Miscreant…anyone on the other end of it, probably. 😉