Hitting Our Children; It’s What We Do
Sometimes I wonder why we keep on having the same discussions over and over again. For instance, Scientific American reports on a new study that says parents and caregivers should “eliminate their use of any physical punishment as a disciplinary measure.”
The study by the American Psychological Association task force “found correlations between physical punishment and an increase in childhood anxiety and depression, an increase in behavioral problems, including aggression, and impaired cognitive development . . .” Who’d have thunk that physically hurting your child could have lasting effects?
I guess we can put this to bed. Well, not exactly. Psychologist Robert E. Larzelere of Oklahoma State University says that the study is flawed and, “Premature bans against spanking may undermine loving parental authority.” A big WTF there, backward-thinking Oklahoman.
Sadly Learzele is not alone in his medieval thinking. With 90% of US parents using corporal punishment at one point and 70% of the US population approving its use, we have a long way to go.
Tags: Child Rights
Well nemski…this is where it needs to be teased out…corporal punishment vs. tactile enlightenment 🙂
We’ve been very successful at not hitting our child to discipline him. Now, we only have one, so our concentration level on that child is much higher than parents with multiple kids.
We’ve found that never never lay down an ultimatum that you will not plan on carrying out. If the child continually misbehaves and you threaten to leave a store or restuarant, leave. No false threats.
If you ask the child to do something, they should do it. Don’t give up. We started with asking three time, then two as he got older and now one.
Your comment reminds me of a funny story, nemski.
My son was a handful, ridiculously active. One day, when he was 2, I packed up the beach cart with beach toys, drinks, towels, umbrella, etc. and walked him to the beach. I had no sooner gotten everything unpacked and set up when he started acting up. My immediate response was, “If you don’t stop that, we’re going home.”
Needless to say, he didn’t stop… and during the walk home I lectured myself on the wisdom of issuing threats that ended up punishing me.
I once drove all the way down to the beach on a Friday night. On Saturday AM, my then-11 year old was in full talk-back mode. We reloaded the car and drove home. His leaky eyes told me that I had made my point.
… and you made your point, LG!
Altho, I’m not sure I could have done that. I think I would have caved! 🙂
Physical abuse of children – which is really what we talk about when we talk about spanking – is the last refuge of the idiot, the incompetent and the coward. There is no place for it in a civilized society.
Nemski and LG hit it on the head. Don’t raise your voice. State your case clearly and concisely. Link actions to clear consequences with immediate impact. Then don’t give in. They will get the message soon enough.
I’ve found that age at which they break your heart: when they’re old enough to change the channel with the remote.
Don’t raise your voice. State your case clearly and concisely. Link actions to clear consequences with immediate impact. Then don’t give in. They will get the message soon enough.
That works for the easy cases. Count yourself lucky if your kid is one of them. A lot of them are not.
*glances askance at nemski’s swipe at larger families*
This is my take on child beating. Child beating is wrong. HOWEVER
My grandmother was a great lady. Every once in a while, things would break down to the point where she would order us out to “Cut her a switch.” And we did, and she switched us. Briefly. And I was not afraid of her, or scarred by the experience, because if you’d pushed Grandma to that point you KNEW you were in the wrong.
One day she ordered me to cut her a switch and I danced out of reach and declared I would NOT fetch a switch, and she couldn’t make me. And, right in that minute, she said, “Well, if you’re too old to be switched, you have to figure out a way to behave.” And I did. We never again had an issue. Because my grandmother was the ONLY one in my family who could recognize and incorporate new data like that. She was AWESOME. And I aspire to grow up to be just like her.
Spanking isn’t the problem. Stupid is the problem. Letting the behavior of babies affect your self-esteem is the problem. People don’t administer justice through spanking, mostly. They hit little people, because they’re frustrated with them. And that’s bad. But you can eliminate the symptom and you won’t cure the ailment.
Brooke, don’t you know large families are a burden on mother earth.
Brooke, it wasn’t a swipe, it was more of a CYA on my part.
In Bill Cosby’s great standup movie, “Bill Cosby Himself”, he jokes that being a parent of an only child doesn’t really count. Take his example of a broken lamp. In a house with two or more children, a parent would get a series of “Not me” in response of their interrogation. In a home with an only child, the parent knows who did it.
Well, I murdered someone childless for every baby, so mother earth is still ahead. 😉
Actually smaller families are the burden. Their per person waste ratio is much higher. Big families spread things out better, hand-me-downs, internal recycling. Part of the problem is a consumer and supplier portion mismatch…Americans love their supersize and wholesale quantities.
However…it’s more fun to blame the holier (earthier) than thou effete elite. Shagless idiots.
Discipline was much better, in schools and elsewhere, when parents weren’t afraid to smack their kids derriers when they acted up. I remember getting out of line as a kid, getting wacked, and being a better person for it. I loved my parents, respected them, and am in no way emotionally scarred. I graduated top of my class, and knew better than to show increased aggression because then it would have been daddy instead of mommy and he could smack more forcefully.
Of course, if the modern parent would put down their damned cell phone for 5 minutes and pay their kids some attention, things would also be a bit better….
I’m fine with not hitting my own kid. But can I beat the shit out of some other ladies snot nosed punk?
Of course, if the modern parent would put down their damned cell phone for 5 minutes and pay their kids some attention, things would also be a bit better….
Wow…..but I agree I see a lot of this “emotional neglect “