Tony Bagels and the Rest of the Mob
Seems that there was a big round-up of suspected Mafiosi the other day. I don’t think these were your Tony Soprano types. These guys were allegedly the real deal.
In my childhood neighborhood, the local rackets were run by the Smalldone brothers, Eugene (“Checkers”), Clarence (“Chauncey”, and Clyde (“Flip-Flop”). I met Checkers and Chauncey a few times. My mom used to play bridge with Checkers’ wife, Pauline. In fact, mom once told me that I should talk to Checkers about law school, that she was sure he would pay for it. While it sounded good, I think that I would have wanted to have other clients besides just one Family.
Anyway, mobsters always have great nicknames, and this round-up didn’t disappoint. We have:
20. VINCENT AULISI, also known as “The Vet”
19. GIOVANNI VELLA, also known as “John Vella,” “Mousey” and “Little John”
18. STEPHEN DEPIRO, also known as “Beach”
17. ANTHONY CAVEZZA, also known as “Tony Bagels”
16. JOHN BRANCACCIO, also known as”Johnny Bandana”
15. ANTHINO RUSSO, also known as “Hootie”
14. FRANK BELLANTONI, also known as “Meatball”
13. CHRISTOPHER REYNOLDS, also known as “Burger”
12. VINCENZO FROGIERO, also known as “Vinny Carwash”
11. JOSEPH CARNA, also known as “Junior Lollipops”
10. DENNIS DELUCIA, also known as “Fat Dennis,” “Little Dennis” and “the Beard”
9. LUIGI MANOCCHIO, also known as “Baby Shacks,” “The Old Man,” and “the Professor”
8. ANTHONY DURSO, also known as “Baby Fat Larry” and “BFL”
7. GIUSEPPE DESTEFANO, also known as “Pooch”
6. JOHN AZZARELLI, also known as “Johnny Cash”
5. ANDREW RUSSO, also known as “Mush”
4. VINCENT FEBBRARO, also known as “Jimmy Gooch”
3. BENJAMIN CASTELLAZZO, also known as “Benji,” “The Claw” and “the Fang”
2. ANTHONY LICATA, also known as “Cheeks,” “Anthony Firehawk,” “Anthony Nighthawk,” “Nighthawk” and “Firehawk”
1. JOHN HARTMANN, also known as “Lumpy,” “Fatty” and “Fats”
So, if we were to give nicknames like this to our favorite teabagger politicians, what would they be? I welcome your suggestions.
Tags: Criminal Justice, La Cosa Nostra
Sarah “Shoot your Guns” Palin
Michelle “Get the Tranqs” Bachmann
JOHN BOEHNER, also known as “Orange,” “Orange Johnny,” “Weepy,” “Salty Cheeks”
Mitch McConnell. aka “The Turtle” aka “Mitchy the Turtle” aka “Prune Face”
Rand Paul Aka “Ronnie’s Boy” aka “randy the kid” aka “aqua buddha”
LINDSEY GRAHAM, also known as “Cracker,” “Crack Smacky,” “Closet,” and “Sparkles”
For McConnell, you forgot, “Big Vagina Neck” (Joe Lieberman being “Little Vagina Neck”)
ERIC CANTOR also known as “Enlarged Prostate”
Jim DeMint aka “Jimmy Skidmarks”.
Cantor – “Yeshiva Bucher,” and “The Shochet”
MJ- You’re going to have to translate the Yiddish.
Cantor I think means singer, Yeshiva is a place of learning?
And bucher is butcher?
I’m completely lost on “The Shochet”.
“Jimmy Skidmarks” got his handle from his tendency to slam on the brakes to ANY ATTEMPT to compromise or cooperate in any matter that would make the President look capable of governing.
Also,it’s rumored, he prefers corncobs to toilet tissue, hence, skidmarks of another sort.
“Yeshiva Bucher” is a Yeshiva student (this is not a slur on Yeshiva students as a former, now banned, commenter once suggested). A “shochet” is Yiddish for butcher.
Cantor claims to be very pious, but he doesn’t hold a candle to Lieberman when it comes to being observant. The butcher fits for his willingness to cut the budget without any rhyme or reason.
Dick “Don Vader” Cheney
Michelle”Mad Dog”Bachmann