A Headline I Couldn’t Resist

I know the print/online media love stories that make you go “Click!” but sometimes you just can’t resist. This one did it for me:

GOPer Goes on Bizarre Rant About the Quality of Santa’s Glass of Milk on House Floor

It’s what I think of as a mystery headline, as in, “What the fuck is that about?” Gotta click to find out!

In this case, it’s longtime dingbat Rep. Virginia Foxx of North Carolina, speaking in favor of a bill that would overrule a health advisory board that a decade ago replaced whole milk with low-fat alternatives in school lunches. To buttress her position, she invoked – yes, Santa Claus.

“You see, it’s not just the magic of the season that helps Santa deliver presents worldwide. It’s also the fortifying nutrients of whole milk. Reflecting on Christmas traditions this year begs the question, ‘If whole milk is a good option to fuel Santa’s extraordinary Christmas Eve journey, then why isn’t it an option for American schoolchildren in their lunchrooms?’”

Here’s the part that makes it performance art: Her response when a Democrat on the committee pointed out that experts disagreed with her.

“I’d just like to tell my colleague something that I think will be easy to remember about why we’re doing this,” said the North Carolina Republican. “Scientists slash experts designed the Titanic, amateurs designed… uh, designed… scientists, experts built the Titanic, and amateurs built the Ark.”

You’ll be pleased to know she chairs the House Education Committee.

I wish I could say Foxx’s was the loopiest testimony, but Rep. Cory Mills of Florida wanted an amendment barring milk from “communist China” despite it being pointed out that the law already permits only domestic milk in school lunches. Really, the entire GOP membership outdid itself with varied strains of idiocy.