QOD
I have a daughter that was performing horribly in school last semester. If I recall she got 2 D’s, a few C’s and 1 B. I challenged her to get all A’s and B’s. Being at Cab she can be told she isn’t allowed to come back and that is not something I need a child to go through with all the household BS that goes on eternally. Assuming she did get all A’s and B’s I told her we would go to visit a friend in Ft. Lauderdale that moved away for a 4 day weekend. Now, the reason why I offered her this is because her older sister has straight A’s and is going to Disney today to be a full time babysitter. Her sister could miss a month of school and still be fine. In fact to give you an example of how dedicated she is, last night she was doing her homework until 11pm so she wouldn’t have as much to do in Florida.
Well, my youngest daughter who I didn’t think would be able to pull it off, did….almost so here is the QOD. I put out a carrot that I wasn’t sure would be the spur she needed. I guess flying on a plane and getting out of school is pretty neat to a kid.
On to the QOD:
If you told your child that she could go on a trip if and ONLY if she got all A’s and B’s. And she came up 1 point short in English receiving and 84.13. Would you still take her if you explicitly said, “Don’t come up 1 point short!”???
Well, technically, she came up 0.37 of a point short, since an 84.50 would round up to 85. So she didn’t actually “come up 1 point short!” We’ll call that “liberal math.”
Conservative math would note that the guy who came up 0.37 of a second short of Michael Phelps did not get to share the gold medal with him.
As for what you are going to do, you are going to take her with you, simply because you won’t leave her at home, and you sure won’t leave her with the former Mrs Viti.
If everything else came up, and one grade was one point short, I think it’s fine. That’s a lot of improvement. maybe amend it, do some extra house chores for a week or 2, write a short essay on how to fix the economy…. ya know nothing huge. BUt having been in the same situation as your daughter… and having been denied Disney World….. *tears up* take her for me bro.
Would you still take her if you explicitly said, “Don’t come up 1 point short!”???
Yes.
I’d reward the commitment she showed to improving.
My concern is that the elder daughter got a ‘working’ trip to FLA and she always performs well w/o the carrot. It doesn’t seem fair that the younger girl should be rewarded with something that sounds better than working.
In my house when I made a statement I stuck to it. The anwer is ‘NO’….yes, she showed a good faith effort but did not live up to the standards you set.
I believe the ‘Vasilating Parent Syndrome’ is largely responsible for most of the ‘acting out’ kids do. Give her $25. for each A grade , and $10. for each B grade. Tell her can go to Fla this time next year….if the grades are acceptable.
Aprice,
Good thinking. There is some dog poop to be scooped.
SRC,
The other daughter had to continue with her grades and if she fell behind she was not allowed to go.
And yes, I agree that if you set an expectation and they come up short, the expectation generally was set with the understanding that it wasn’t to far out of the realm of happening
Yes. I’m sure there’s at least that much subjectivity to the teacher’s evaluation. It sounds like she busted ass in good faith. Not sure I would’ve made such a promise on a single grading period though. You’re going to have to be pretty creative from here on out with your reward system. Once you’ve given the prize for her doing what is in her best interest in the long run, you’ll probably have to reward her for all of eternity for being responsible.
I say take her, for the following reasons:
1. In a subject like English, I don’t understand how a teacher even can calculate a grade down to the accuracy level of an 84.13. At least in my high school English classes we mostly got graded on writing papers. When we had tests they usually weren’t multiple choice, typically more like short answer or essay tests. Either way – my guess is the tiny little bit of variance between an 84.13 and an 85 (or 84.50 which would have gotten rounded up to an 85) is not likely accounted for by a lack of effort on your daughter’s part but rather by random differences in assigned grades. I mean what you’re quibbling about here could be the result of something as simple as your daughter’s paper being toward the bottom of the pile and thus having gotten graded when the teacher is sick of grading and angry at all the shitty papers she’s had to read so far – something that could easily lead to couple point drop in grade.
2. As I see it, there are two possible messages that can be sent here.
– Take daughter on trip = I am proud that, given the challenge, you rose to the occasion and made significant improvements in your grades and I feel that your hard efforts deserve a reward.
– Don’t take daughter on trip = I am proud that, given, the challenge, you rose to the occasion and made significant improvements in your grades. However, the fact that your grade in one of your classes fell short of a completely arbitrary standard set by your school by a fraction of a point is all that really matters. Sorry about your luck. Next time try to magically figure out how to work your butt off one point better than you did this time.
DV, sounds like she really worked hard. As a dad, I would be as impressed with the effort as with the result. I’d say take her to Florida.
By the way, I should specify that if we were talking about something more cut and dry like Math rather than English and a grade of say 83.14 instead of 84.14, then probably the right answer is to say “Sorry, that’s a C, I said all A’s and B’s.”
But grading of essays and things in English is soooo subjective. The secret to success more than anything relies on somehow discerning the criteria (that likely exist only in the teacher’s mind) that separate one grade from another.
I would take her but I would also make her take a book or such and have her work on some school stuff on the plane – becasue getting from D’s to As and Bs is hard work and she did it.
I say, show younger daughter this post. The real impetus seems to have been to avoid more emotional harm of perhaps being unceremoniously kicked out of CAB over poor grades.
DV, your kids are bright. I would take the younger one to FL for the effort she showed but make sure she gets the bigger picture too. That is that she has to do this for herself, and that her successes should be their own reward for her efforts.
i also wonder if there was any kind of grading curve in the class…
DV, the problem really lies in your reward standards. You left yourself no wiggle room. I’d take her, but I’d be clear the problem was with the rigidity of your goals and that you are correcting yourself from really punishing yourself.
Got that? 😉
Yes, the subjectivity in English and the grade variance are too big.
I’m with a. price. She came up short, but give her some extra-credit work. At this point it’s more important to keep her thinking positive than to stick to the letter of the law.
I’m with Dana: This is liberal thinking, and it’s why I’m a liberal.
Hey, it’s the weekend, why all this hard thinking 🙂
While I agree with almost everyone here and their thinking on the “let her go” side, I would probably come down and not let her go for the following reasons:
1)”you explicitly said, “Don’t come up 1 point short!
2) I’d also explain to the daughter that sometimes you can’t always succeed, and when that happens, there may be consequences.
3) Life’s unfair, get over it 🙂
Having said all of that, I’d still probably cave in and let her go 🙂
fyi:
the English Teacher is a prick too. He never responds to our Emails and though I rarely side with a child, he doesn’t respond well to my daughter and it has shown I feel in her grades at times….
someone said I set a high bar with the trip…
perhaps you weren’t aware of what my ex gives out for 3 weeks of good behavior….
sounds like a pretty easy call. i would just let her know that you are being really nice by re negotiation the deal since it really was close. scoop the poop, and maybe write a nice letter to Mike Protack to work her B.Sing skills for future english papers
Take her. If you don’t, she’ll never forget it.
Besides, that’s some major improvement. Make sure you point that out 100 times.
uh oh.. i think we know who h. is…… don’t worry little Viti i think you’re goin
Don’t you have access to the HAC( Home Access Center)? It’s great. You can check all of her classes. Make sure she’s handing in homework and projects.
No …. they know who I am.
Just some advice from a dad with two daughters.
just joshin’ ya h.
yes, have home access
That’s a tough question, DV. I guess I’m on the “let her go” side, but with some mild punishment. I think I’d let her know that you are proud of her achievement but now that you know that it’s possible you expect that performance each and every time from here on out.
I’d let the kid go.
But I’d want an explanation for why “she was performing horribly last semester”.
delacrat,
you might be late to the party, but the ex wife and I haven’t grown up and at times I am guilty of putting my kids in the middle.
After years and years of battling I have successfully been able to get her on ADD med’s and now magically a little carrot and some meds she has improved dramitcally
“I’d take her, but I’d be clear the problem was with the rigidity of your goals and that you are correcting yourself from really punishing yourself.”
As always, I agree with Pandora. Take her, you cheap bastard.
In the Seaford School District, and 84% is a B. She’d be good to go. Think to yourself: was the goal an arbitrary number in a subjective subject, or was the goal significant improvement? Unfortunatly, I’ve actually seen English teachers tell students that their interpretation is wrong and take away “points” for it. Final point; as a teacher, I usually use some common sense on these border grades. If I saw she had improved to that degree, she’d be bumped the few tenths of a point to a B by any scale.
My opinion doesn’t count because I don’t have any kids.
I’d take her. Morale, reward, technicality, etc…
My Dad did this to me when I was in elementary school. He used to go on these Deep Sea fishing trips in the Boston Harbor (grew up in MA, btw) and I always wanted to go. You know, kid bonding with Dad stuff. I had no interest in fishing, but a boat ride on the ocean with your Dad was cool as hell, especially if he caught a big ass fish without even using worms as bait.
Anyway, he told me I had to get ALL A’s on my report card in order to go. I had all A’s, but one B+, and that was previously a D.
He took me anyway. The trip was awesome, I was the most excited person ever to be seasick the captain had ever seen. Got to steer the boat, see the navigational gear, even got to call the coast guard on the radio.
Anyway.. that was over 20 years ago, and I am still smiling about it. It was a nice bonding memory with my Dad.
Kind of a “spirit of the law vs letter of the law” deal.
Donhoni…..when you send that teacher an email and do not get a response I suggest you ‘re send’ and copy the principal, the head of the English department, the chair of the school board, and the superintendent (sp). You’ll get a response.
With that said I would try to arrange for her to go into another English class so she can get a better attitude toward the subject.
Sorry I’ll miss you in FLA….I’m going down the last week in April. 🙂
susan….that’s what we’ve done and then we get this short snippy emails back from him. he’s definitely someone who hates his job!
Hef–When you all get back, see if you can book 2 weeks with Pandora for parenting strategies. I’m sure she’ll give you the “relative” rate.