I want to admit something

I was for the war, before I was against it.  I admit it.  I was one of the senseless idiots that thought this was a good thing.  I remember being sucked in by CNN.  I couldn’t get enough of the war.  I remember the day that I saw those images of tracers lighting up the sky.  I was impressed.  I was sitting there in my chair eating it up like a pig.  I couldn’t pause for more than an hour or two without trying to find some new information about the military’s progress. 

The maps CNN displayed showed the tanks, the forces at work, the directions they were marching.  The sites they were taking and the people they were destroying.  It was great.  It was like watching a video gamer go to town on a country.  One consultant after another would talk about the killing ability of this missle, that helicopter or this aircraft.  It was impressive and completely satisfying.  We were killing machines, fucking plowing through some piece of shit country that wanted to kill us.  FUCKING KILL THEM ALL!

I learned to search the net for information.  I had it down.  The questions I kept searching the internet for were:

Did we find the WMD’s?  Where those trucks really for chemical weapons?  Where is Al Qaeda?  Did we kill his son’s yet?  Did we catch Saddam?  Where do we think he is?  How many “cards” in the deck did we capture or kill?  Who are the Baathists?  Did we catch Osama yet?  Who did we kill today, who who who?

 Who did we kill today, really seemed to be the leading question I asked myself and sought after more than anything.  When we did kill someone learning about the atrocities they commited against their own citizens (20 years ago) was like reading Psalms.  I wanted to know what leader we knocked off.  What rank and where he was located.  I lived and breathed wanting this information.  We were finally getting payback for 9/11 and GODDAMNIT it felt good.  It felt REAL GOOD. 

I also have to admit I was afraid.  I remember working at MBNA and being worried that Delaware, Wilmington more specifically could have been a target of a terrorist attack.  I wasn’t alone either.  After all we aren’t just the banking capital of the country, but DuPont is no slouch when it comes to corporations.  Astra Zeneca isn’t someone you sneeze at you know.  I was living in fear and knowing that our government was out their killing, was good, it soothed me.

I remember catching that Dirty Bomb guy Padilla.  Holy shit, I remember that like yesterday.  He was going to blow up Chicago with a fucking NUKE in a briefcase of all things.  A fucking briefcase with a nuke bomb in it of all things.  How fucking sauvy are these guys!?  Will they stop at nothing to infringe upon our way of life.  But we got him!  We got him and we are safe, but not for long, they (al qaeda) they are trying to get more nukes.  They are going to build a briefcase that carries the nukes. 

 I remember CNN showing me that briefcase.  I remember watching FOX news and seeing that American Flag avatar constantly flying in the corner.  I watched the news 24/7 back then.  All of the channels.   It was an ingenious plan, BUT, BUT only 1 plan of many that were out there.  We had to take action and action was being taken!

After we went into Iraq I craved to find news about WMD’s.  Where were they?  What kind they were.  I wanted them found as bad as anyone else.  We were going over there to find them after all.  To me, what I had heard from my president was that Saddam had them and was hiding them.  He was hiding them and he was hiding them so he could give them to Al Qaeda.  He was in cahoots with those bastards.  The both of them wanted us dead, so we had to kill them first!  PreEmptive baby!  yes, Mr. Bush! You are right and I am behind you. 

In we went.  In we were and I was hungry for information.  I thought we had found the WMD’s a few times.  We found some trucks once I remember, but then a few weeks went by and we never heard about them again.  We found a “large” weapons cache once somewhere, I don’t exactly remember where but, it had hundreds of thousands of rounds of ammunitio, tons of RPG’s and on and on it went for weeks.

Then weeks turned into months.  The finds became less and less explosive and occurred less often.  Saddam was on the lamb and we switched gears media wise and looked for him, the WMD’s wouldn’t be far behind once we found him, rest assured.

Then, then we found Saddam!  NOW, we will find the WMD’s.  But nothing came after we caught him.  At some point I remember the Joe Wilson thing. I don’t remember that stupid Op/Ed piece he wrote.  I remember hearing about his wife being outed.  I remember the reading about forgeries.  I remember “yellow cake” and aluminum tubes and I remember one thing specifically.  I remember that the aluminum tubes Bush referred too couldn’t be used for Nuclear Bombs.  Something clicked. 

( I realize I am bouncing around time frame wise, but trust me it is on purpuse)

I didn’t like the smell of things back then and I just kept reading anti war stuff.  Then I started reading about the “architects of the war”.  I started reading about the “groups” they had formed and the people associated with those groups.  WHIG, APAC, Heritage Foundations, The Weekly Standard, NRO, William Crystol, Perle, Cheney, Addington, Wolfowitz and on and on.  Their names would pop up all over. 

But everything was so secret back then and still is to a degree.  You couldn’t get shit out of these guys when you had a question, but damn if they would be mightely obliged to give you plenty of the information they had.  I remember being able to finally understand with clarity what “wag the dog” really meant. 

Something that stuck in my crawl and still does ever since Cheney has been in office is his secret little meeting with top Energy Company CEO’s.   People went to court to find out who was in that meeting, but Cheney held his ground and to this day we still don’t know. 

When I couple that secret meeting with the groups that Cheney belongs too, the Energy Company’s that contribute and belong to those same groups I just got more and more uneasy.  Iraq is the largest oil reserve next to Saudi Arabia you know.  That is a fact that the administration just seemed to try and ignore. 

Around the same time frame, still No WMD’s.  The reasons for war were lost on me the more and more I read.  The more I learned about the companies that had an interest in this war, the more disgusted I got.  The more money we spent the more disgusted I got.  the more the reasons shifted away from the original reasons I was told we were going to war the more disgusted I would get. 

I have always said I’m not smart and sometimes it takes me a while to catch on.  I don’t trust these guys anymore.  I stopped trusting them when they started telling me to “TRUST” THEM.  It just doesn’t sit well with me when that lines gets handed out time after time.  

I don’t know when we went to Iraq to free them of tyranny and install democracy instead of getting al qaeda and the WMD’s.  I don’t remember us instilling democracy over there the reason we were supposed to go to war with countries. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for black ops and certain things have to be done in the name of National Security, that it may be wise for me as a citizent to NEVER know about.  But, on occasion.  NOT when it becomes the standard we live by. 

We have lost the trust of billions of people around the world.  Our country is no longer looked at as the reliable defenders of freedom.  We aren’t that America anymore.  We are a country that unfortunately ultimately serves the interests of big business.  The does not serve the interest of the majority. 

We consult big business to make decisions that will affect/effect the average citizen.  Our government privatizes its military b/c the Sec of Defense thinks that is the way to go AND NO ONE ARGUES AGAINST IT.  We consult big business to go to war.  We “protect our interests” overseas when we go to war.  We consider our “interests” overseas when we make a decision to help other countries.

To date we still have not found WMD’s.  We have not killed Bin Laden.  Iraq is decades away from any semblance of a democracy.  Afghanistan is falling back into the hands of the Taliban.  Illegals flood this country every day by the thousands.  Gas prices are above $3 a gallon.  50 million people are without healthcare.   We have spent almost over half a trillion dollars, that is $450,000,000,000.00 if it helps you and we are no closer to “victory or Mission Accomplished” then the day we set foot in that country.  and the President doesn’t want timelines?  Are you fucking kidding me? 

A majority of people are against the war now, but they don’t have a good answer how to get out.  That is the rub now and one that compounds the exit strategy.  A majority of people were just like me 5 years ago.  We were thirsty for blood.  We wanted to win this thing.  We wanted to smoke those bastards out of their caves.  We wanted Bin Laden Dead or alive.  We put the largest reward out for the man that plotted 9/11, $50,000,000.00 and still he is “hiding”  I wanted to find WMD’s.  I wanted Saddam and his sons dead.  I wanted to bomb France.  I wanted to profile all muslims.

I wanted alot of things 5 years ago, but I have grown older and wiser.  I have learned that I was lied to.  I have learned that the story changed to fit an agenda.  I have learned the hard way that politicians will do and say anything to protect their jobs.  I have learned that corporations only care about one thing.  I have learned that the ownership society sucks.  I have learned that my government doesn’t care about me.  I have learned that I will have to scratch and claw my way through life to hopefully, hopefully retire peacefully.   

I admit that I was for the war, but i am against it now.  I didn’t know what I was getting into.  I didn’t know what it was going to cost me, my children, my wife and my country.  I want out.  I want out now.  I don’t want to be called unpatriotic when I ask to get out.  I don’t want to be told I don’t understand.  I don’t want to be told they will follow us home. 

 I don’t care if they follow us home, you know why? Because then the rest of the world will be behind us again.  Because our soldiers will be defending our fucking country.  I don’t want to be told we will stand down when Iraq stands up. 

I want out, I admit it.  I was wrong.

Now get me out of that god forsaken country and bring my Military home so America can get back to being United. 

end of rant!