Tag Archives: Sobriety

Day 2 of C&B

Well, I am officailly 2 days into my 6 months clean and sober side show. Yesterday on my hour long commute I would have to say I thought about beer no less than 50 times. Perhaps it is because I am stopping for a while and my brain knows it is going without. And he isn’t happy about it.

I thought about wine when I got home too. A wine distributor called me while I was away asking if my group had anything going on. He had some wine at some “sick” prices and wanted to move them. I haven’t called him back yet, but that surely didn’t help. I thought about having a glass during dinner. Then football was coming so I tried to keep myself busy until that time.

I left to go pickup my daughter from volleyball practice after dinner and before football. The drive over I was able to listen to the author of “The Clinton Tapes” discuss Whitewater and various other topics. I thought about beer in between pauses. Not whiskey or hard alcohol. Just beer and some wine would be nice. I thought about getting a calender and “X”ing the days down to the day I can drink again too. Great idea I thought. Celebrate not drinking, with drinking again.

So far this morning I have been up about 45 minutes and before this post I was thinking about a beer as I was making my son’s morning bottle.

Clean and Sober day one

DSCN0059If you didn’t know or care, I was recently in Amsterdam for work and for pleasure.  In my mind this was going to be the end of my drinking and what not for at least 6 months.  I planned on getting it out of my system while I resided in Utopia for 6 nights and 7 glorious days.   I can’t think of a better place to end or pause a vice that can wreak havoc on one’s personal life.  I sort of envisioned it to be like that Las Vegas movie with Nick Cage only not quite as dramatic and without the blood.

This is going to be an incredibly difficult task for me as the last time I was sober for an extended period of time was 9 months in 1998/99.   Those were not good times for me at all, and I barely learned my lesson.  Here I am ten years later, in a similar spot as before but I love my wife and my life.  This time, I think, that I have to grow up and not piss away the great things in my life.  My wife and new son, my children, my friends and you my fellow readers and fans as well as my awesome new job are all things worth doing this for.  At some point over the past several weeks something clicked in my head and said I need to take a break and change course hopefully for good.  Perhaps the fact that alcohol is a depressant finally took hold.  I noticed even for me that I was getting a little to angry easily.  My fuse was shorter, my attention span was nill and was craving beer way more than a normal person should or would.  I have slowly been drinking more and more over time and with being out of work for 6 months I think it escalated to an unhealthy level and now with money to buy beer with no remorse I have been.  The stack of empties in my garage is an appalling monument to a less than desirable lifestyle.

I will be the first one to tell you that I like to party.  My friends like to party.  My in laws like to drink beer and when I visit have beer on ice for me.  I also run a wine tasting group on top of it all.  I have surrounded myself with alcohol and I noticed that as a society alcohol has consumed us.  I watch ESPN and the sports shows and I you eventually stop noticing the Beer commercials at 7am during sportscenter.  But that is no excuse and I need to try and distance myself from this lifestyle that I have grown a little to accustomed to.

There will always be some reason to drink.  U of Md homecoming, an Eagles Tailgate, Playoffs, BBQ, Birthday party, share beer with 1 year old son.  On and on and on the list goes.  But for now I’m officially clean and sober for a little over 24 hours and this is not going to be easy at all.  In the open book that is Donviti, I plan on bringing you all into the challenges I will face with not drinking.

thanks for listening