I am NOT Smarter Than a Fifth Grader
Sometimes one can look back on one’s life and spot a specific moment in time when everything changed. For me and my son, it was a few years ago when Terrell Owens left the Eagles for the dreaded Cowboys and my boy’s football allegiance switched from the Green and White to the Blue and White.
To rid him of this horrible disease, I threatened him by taking away his Xbox, taking away meals, adding chores and even banishing him from the house, but nothing worked. Sadly, he has remained a Cowboys fan, doing dances in the living room when they win, and generally flaunting it in my face. In two weeks, we’re headed to Dallas to watch the Cowboys beat up on the Bengals.
Is it possible that my fifth grader is outwitting me, outlasting me, and outplaying me? You more want examples? How about staying up till 11:30 to watch the Cowboys beat the Eagles last Monday night, his bed time is usually 8. How about him finding a baby squirrel in a neighbor’s yard and we have to drive from North Wilmington to Bear to “rescue” the future rat? How about my boy gets to skip his shower because it is too tired? How about that his parents make him breakfast every morning? How about the line I drew that he’d never have a TV in his room and now he does?
As a parent, one must set the basic rules and conduct of behavior for your child, which I think me and Mrs. nemski have done well, but you must also allow oneself as a parent to get played a few times by your child. This gives them a small taste of victory. And yet, somehow, I have this nagging feeling that my son is playing me and allowing me to win the small and meaningless victories.
Is this the normal life of a parent? If so, I have a strong suspicion that it is just going to get worse.
BTW, that is a picture of the boy and the blogger.
Tags: family
As the embarrassed parent of 6th grade Patriots fan, I feel your pain. Just remember, some day Tony Romo will be lying in a heap with Dawkins shouting at him to “Stay Down!” Then you can dance a little jig.
Terrell Owens was right all along. McNabb is a no heart chump.
Your son is wise beyond his years.
How did you get that two-toned beard action? Oh wait, I forgot you’re old! 😉
How about those 3-0 Cowboys!!!
the grasshopper has become the teacher….
As the parent of a 9th grader and 6th grader I feel I must tell you… it doesn’t get better and you won’t get smarter.
As an Oakland Raiders fan — and yes, the silver and black will be back¹ — I feel your pain.
I did keep my promise to myself that the girls would not have televisions in their bedrooms, as well as keeping that promise to my wife and myself: no TV in the bedroom. One house, with one TV, that’s enough.
This question assumes that there is such a thing as a normal life for a parent. That, I very much doubt.
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¹ – We just don’t know when 🙁
I knew I was toast when my twins were three and in the back seat of my car. My daughter says, “Daddy, can I have a time out now so that I can hit him later?”
Outthought, outgunned, and outdone. All down hill from there (they are about to turn 13)
I totally see conservative in that boy and him thinking:
Dude…you are so outsmarted by your boy. BTW, mine is only 6 and he’s already figured out the art of Daddy-manipulation.
I blame Clinton.
“Daddy, can I have a time out now so that I can hit him later?”
That is flat out awesome and funny as hell. Sounds like you’ve got smart kids Steve.
Caption:
“Dad,
Just remember, I control the remote.
and no one gets hurt.”
Cherish the kid… Good work in so little time.
R Smitty wrote:
Believe me, daughters can do that better than sons. Heck, my daugters’ friends try to manipulate me.
I said it before and I’ll say it again, you’re a bad parent. You and LG. My father was a 10 year Eagles season ticket holder and a native Philadelphian. He would have never allowed anything like this! 🙂
my son will be an Eagles fan…nuff said!
Why would you wish to bestow a life of disappointment, hurt, embarrassment and pain on your son by proclaiming that he will be a bEagles fan? Have you no compassion for this new life? How sad. BTW – that’s not a typo.
My son is a senior in high school. I think I knew when he was about three years old that he was going to amaze me. He’s never stopped.
Mother of five and whoever shows up on the doorstep weighing in:
Sounds like you’re doing fine AND you’ll want to regain your “community TV only stance”. I say this gently at great risk of persecution here. It is the gateway of creating the “suite” later on, and then you may be in for some real surprises.
Never abandon a family meal for a phone, text, e-mail etc..I’ve always told the table you’re not needed in surgery, and your not on call for the tow truck…so sit down. Amazingly, these are non-issues now, and as the older ones have begun to launch lives elsewhere, I’ve had a parent’s “payday” of their recollection, and articulated value of my non-negotiable demands.
BIGGEST surprise in parenting–the children rarely reflected me, the husband, or combination of the two—instead it would be a BROTHER-IN-LAW moment that would appear—and SHOOT–now I have to raise it!!! So good luck with all the relatives that have come to stay for the next 2 decades!!!!
Mrs Christian wrote:
No relatives’ children have to be reared, but we basically have a “spare daughter,” one of our younger daughter’s friends who stays at our house far more than her own.