Airing my dirty laundry again
It REALLY never ends…
To set the stage, daughter #2, despite my best efforts to screw her up is beyond brilliant. She is a straight A student that most likely will be able to get into any college in the country assuming I can pay for it and don’t screw her up over the next 18 months. I will be allowing her to miss some school time in April b/c my sister will need a little assistance on a trip to Florida with her children. It will allow her some adult time with her husband. It is a week I have my daughter, but I didn’t get a chance to ask the Ex-Viti if it was ok. I figured it would be, but my father acted faster than normal for him so I had to beg for a little forgiveness with the Ex-viti
AAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD ACTION!!!!
Devil Woman,
#2 will be going with my dad and sister to Florida from 3/28 till 4/4, which is a week she is with me. I apologize for not asking you in advance if this was ok. I meant to, but my Dad actually booked the tickets before I really thought he was going too.
She is flying Southwest with her Aunt and Uncle to and from. The information on her trip is attached below and the flight information is coming next.
Donviti,
I would like to clarify arrangements for Christmas week. Please let me know what time I can get them on Xmas Eve since this is their year to sleep at my house, as well as what hours you’ll be taking them from & til on Xmas day.
Also, Live-in-boyfriend & I will be going away from 1/1-1/4.
Since we are leaving very early the morning of 1/1, I would like to drop the girls off a couple days early on Wednesday, 12/31. I’ll have them to your house around 6 or so.
(FYI-Since the previous email was clearly scribed by Mrs. Hotviti, I’d respectfully request that we concede that point going forward. As long as we can remain civil, there’s no need for either one of you to have to pretend to be the other. Thanks.)
Siser-of-Death,
First point of order, you didn’t ask if we were doing anything on New Year’s. We have plans already. So I will have to get back to you on what we can do.
So, in an attempt to ask for a favor of Mrs. Hotviti and me, you attempt to be smarmy and cute at the same time by implying that Mrs. Hotviti wrote the email like you have it all figured it out. Well, you are wrong. I wrote it and I swear on my sons life, not that I should have to of course. I genuinely was apologetic because I didn’t confer with you on something as important as our daughter going away on a plane for a week without either of us. I should have asked you if it was ok since she would be also missing school. I didn’t, I apologized.
Now in your infinite wisdom you have asked for a favor and couldn’t resist to get a shot in. Well done. I attempted to open the lines of communication while one of our daughters is in therapy because we, YOU AND I can’t get along and trash each other with the girls around especially daughter #1.
You really are a piece of work.
Donviti
For the record, I do not “trash you” in front of the girls. There’s no need to. Your actions speak for themselves.
And quite frankly, I gave up hope long ago that you & I would ever be capable of achieving healthy lines of communication. As long as you continue to harbor so much anger and hatred, nothing positive will ever be accomplished. It took me many, many years to make peace with that realization.
I apologize for not “asking” about the New Years trip. The one thing we have managed to be successful with is managing schedules, and it’s not like the girls are still young enough to be in need of a sitter. If you need me to ask my parents for help, let me know.
And please let me know the holiday schedule as well. Thanks.
Spawn-that-has-no-soul,
And quite frankly, I gave up hope long ago that you & I would ever be capable of achieving healthy lines of communication. As long as you continue to harbor so much anger and hatred, nothing positive will ever be accomplished. It took me many, many years to make peace with that realization.
Not with an attitude like that. Someone has to conceed at some point. I would have thought me apologizing for not communicating something to you would have been a start. Silly me. Carry on that torch of hate she-devil. Let’s see if we can get #3 to follow in #1’s footsteps. 9 years we have been divorced and look at us. Pathetic.
I know it does not seem like it, but the pain dial turns in both directions, but you have to turn it on your own without expecting any reciprocity.
ur using such terms of endearment for her. they only touch the iceberg of how awful/evil/manipulative/scanky she really is
:-}
thanks frued
unfortunately jason i took over the communication for that reason and she did the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over…………. again and it never changes. no matter how nice i was. she’s the worst person ever! (and i like pretty much everybody)
My vote for Best Post of the year. I feel your pain.
Maybe some part of you is enjoying the gamesmanship of this. (?)
Normally I would not be so bold as to make these kinds of observations about someone’s circumstances – but half of blogging is commenting.
Mrs. H – Hearing that does sway me in my thinking. I’ll just shut up.
actually jason i stopped communicating w/ her bc it got me no where. no matter how much effort i put into it. and the only reason i put in that much effort is b/c of the girls. they didn’t deserve the bs their parents were putting them through.
I can understand why she gave up hope.
I don’t enjoy it at all. I really did write that email. I apologized and that is what I get back. it is typical. So typical.
but, to add to it you have to know the back story. #1 is talking to a therapist and one thing that the shrink said is we have to stop…..
so here I am apologizing, i feel trying, then I get shot down with that kind of crap. It’s tiring, so tiring, so so tiring.
I enjoy shining a light on this bullshit for a few reasons.
the big reason is that there are a lot of men out there that get divorced and have to deal with this stuff. It goes both ways and I feel that sometimes fathers get a raw deal. Mothers can be very mean and hurtful. In the end, the man gives up power and allows the mother to win. He doesn’t fight in court b/c the courts are against him, he can’t afford a lawyer b/c the lawyer is a waste b/c the lawyer tells you you are going to lose the kids and pay child support.
So what resource does a father have? None. He has to suck it up and take it so he doesn’t hurt his kids. I have fought toothe and nail over the past 9 years and look what has happened? I have screwed up my daughter.
YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE I FUCKING FAUGHT HER IN COURT. I FAUGHT HER TAKING AWAY MY KID TO ANOTHER STATE. I FAUGHT HER TO GAIN SPLIT CUSTODY. NOT FULL CUSTODY….SPLIT CUSTODY….I HAD TO FIGHT HER IN COURT, THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS TO GET TO SEE MY KIDS HALF THE TIME?
I had to take her to court 3 different times to get her to pay agreements she initiated from her attorney’s. ALL THE WHILE I HAVE TO PROVE TO THE JUDGES IN DELAWARE THAT I’M NOT THE BAD GUY. I actually had to kiss the judges ass to get my ex-wife to repay me thousands of dollars in back support that SHE FUCKING HAD HER LAWYER DRAW UP AND HAVE ME SIGN.
oh…but I’m the shitbag dad. i’m the guy that is awful. I’m the guy they would be better off without ever seeing.
I was constantly told my father was a POS in many different ways and after a while (when I was 30) I finally wised up that my dad wasn’t this monster.
It hurts, it’s old and it has been going on for 9 years. Ever since I got re-married there hasn’t been a cooling off phase like in the past…
anonone,
i can too, to be honest. I really can.
Dude, you need to become a Buddhist.
sigh…
it aint easy being Donhusseinsquishviti and yes, before you all fucking say it, I need to let it go. I know: I NEED TO LET IT GO…and I am trying. or at least I FEEL like I am trying.
So, in the infinite wisdom that is Donhusseinsquishviti, I use this blog theraputically….
It sucks. No doubt about it.
can buddhist drink?
It is shit like this that reminds me to try and be kind ot people.
As Plato said and is quoted by Unitarians: “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
Yes, Buddhist can drink, eat drink, laugh, act like an ass and have fun.
A Buddhist can drink as long as they know that it isn’t really drinking.
I’m in!
Can I declare I’m a buddhist? Sort of like Micheal from the office declared bankruptcy?
I DECLARE I’M BUDDHIST!
sweet, now can I drink?
Here’s my stab at your response.
Dear Mrs. Ex-Viti:
The wife and I currently have plans for New Year’s Eve. However, given the chance to spend the night with my three daughters sounds good. Let me see what I can do.
Believe it or not, the original note was, in fact, written by me. Yes, sometimes I even amaze myself.
I’ll let you know if we can swing New Year’s Eve no later than Christmas Eve when you pick up the kids.
– Donviti
Your personal story also describes one of the biggest travesties being carried out on the American people.
There are millions that share your experience due to the inability of the family courts to modernize and properly address the role of today’s fathers.
my response was already written to her…didn’t you read the post?
wait,never mind you don’t read posts or linke either 😛
Most likely I will be taking the kids, baby sqyuishy isn’t going to be able to make it to midnight nor will mommasqyuishy.
It looks like we are off to pandora’s after all.
and yes, I will take my kids. I would feel to guilty saying no b/c I had other plans.
Which for those of you that don’t know, I had my kids New years eve for about 4 years in a row after my divorce b/c she kept pulling the same shit on me and I never said I had plans.
I rarely if ever turned down a chance to see my kids. She knows it, which was why she didn’t ask if I had plans.
but I digress..
Boo-fucking-who.
I haven’t been out for NYE in ten years. Guess what, it comes with the fucking territory.
john,
yep, it’s getting better. But if you would have been in court the day I had a stack of bills and paperwork to prove she owed me money only to sit there and have the judge TEAR ME APART for what I felt was being a shitty father for getting the mother to pay back money she said she’d pay me you wouldn’t know it is getting better…
you’r a fucking hermit, don’t give me that shit
No pun intended.
and the point was that I was single putz
Hef- You know I want to comment, but I MUST get thru all these posts. But I have to say…I am more troubled by live-in boyfriend…
Single w/ kids, right?
single with kids, with split custody, that didn’t have them that evening per our agreement…
she’s selfish nemski she doesn’t care who she screws including her own children
she doesn’t care who she screws
haha…so true
lol
On the day after a man left for Africa, his best friend died. The man did not know about it, and had a great time on his trip, even writing letters to his friend.
He returned two weeks later and was devastated by the news. Was it his friend’s physical death that devastated him? No, it was the knowledge of that death.
You see, all the relationships that we have exist only in our heads. It is what we choose to carry with us and how we choose to process our perceptions of that person burdens or uplifts us.
As long as carrying these wounds has something in it for you (like heart-wrenching blog posts), you will carry them. Love turned to hate keeps the relationship alive in your head (and hers). You will carry her in anger until you can lose her to indifference or learn to hold her in sympathy or even affection.
It is not easy. And, Jason’s quote is right-on. We’re all fighting hard battles. Her, you, me. Forgive her. Forgive yourself. As the Dali Lama might say, we’re all misguided in our search for happiness. All of us.
Thanks for sharing.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but happy you might be with us for New Year’s.
There’s a lot of good advice in this post, DV.
i agree pandora a lot of great advice, but it’s really hard when you have a lot of history to forgive. hell it was hard for me to be nice and not lash out at her and i have no history with the woman
All I can say is we tend to hate with the same passion we loved…..she’s not over you yet Hef–go easy.
Oh–and I am going out tonite-I have been at these posts since 4pm last nite..so you know what, I may wander up to Bull’s Eye and get Matthew’s autograph or something. Where the heck on Kirkwood Hwy. is Bull’s Eye? Please don’t make me mapquest–just a store, or a landmark,….please? It’s Friday.
Joanne, we’re out tonight as well… Jessup’s in old New Castle.
I don’t know where Bull’s Eye is. Sorry.
WWWWHHHHHAAAAATTTTT?? Is this a tea party, or can I come crashing thru? Did Geek schedule this?
most likely he did…he does everything around here
Ok, DV, you and I agree on practically nothing, but divorce is awful…and that’s for the mother as well as the father.
I’m not sure how old your daughters are (sounds like they are all high school age or so), but I’m gonna be blunt: you gotta drop the long knives with your ex when the opportunity presents. I know the temptation is irresistable to be offended, to be snarky, to make nasty e-mails, to be angry and obnoxious. I know she’s a bitch and you were a saint. Everybody who’s divorced has been there. Nemski’s response is the one you should have made.
I say this as the bitch ex-wife who not only did most of the work with the daughter before the divorce, but worked hard afterwards to make sure ex-husband had all the time with daughter he wanted or could work out. For this, he’s taken me to court multiple times and accused us (both my husband and I) of practically everything under the sun. Throughout it all, even when I’ve been screamed at, sued, and called every name in the book, I’ve tried to remind myself that it doesn’t matter how much I hate that son of a bitch, he’s her father, I picked him, and she deserves to have a relationship with both of us that is as close to normal as possible.
To that end, I moved my family–me, my husband, and 3 kids–to within 2 blocks of the ex. Not because this was the best or only place we could find a house, but so that daughter could see her father more. Then he sued me for custody (she was 12) and I was told that moving was the worst thing I could have done for my case.
I’ve endured endless snubbings, been excluded from major decisions for daughter, and had all kinds of bullshit thrown at me from this man. But guess what? Daughter and I are closer now than ever. And it eats him alive because she’s 17 and he can’t stop her. I did everything that every damn psychologist and psychiatrist, every parenting book, and every minister said to do to raise my daughter right. And I got kicked repeatedly for it.
So, my point here is this: you hate her and she hates you. But that doesn’t matter. You made babies with her and even if she’s Satan’s sister and bites you, you need to be nice. Because that’s what your kids need. Don’t think they won’t figure out that their mom is Satan’s sister. But you shouldn’t be Satan’s brother to boot.
Amen Sharon.
Somebody has to be the adult.
I’m a firm believer in this: whatever someone says about you, it reflects on them and not on you. So, nasty replies to polite requests and emails shows what kind of person she is. You don’t have to reply in kind. I agree keeping up anger keeps “passion.” I think it is a very difficult situation and I really feel for everyone involved, especially the children.
Good luck to you.
Joanne,
Bull’s Eye on Kirkwood Hwy – it’s not far from the Kohl’s but on the opposite side of the road.
now I have to like sharon b/c her and I sort of had similar experiences
for christ sake!
thanks everyone for reading and/or commenting. I do appreciate your feedback.
except nemski
Be the Obama, brush that dirt off your soldier:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzXcNgCr0nk
Someone sounds like she missin’ da cahk!
AAAAHHOOOOHH!
Dear Mr Viti:
As per your announcement that you have converted to Buddhism, clearly a quack religion, and that the consumption of alcoholic beverages was a great part of your motivation, my client, the former Mrs Viti, has filed a motion with the courts to end your visitation rights with her children.
In addition, we have asked the Court that you be responsible for all attorney’s fees in this matter, since it was your actions which initiated this unfortunate but completely necessary legal filing.
My initial bill is attached.
Sincerely yours,
Snodgrass Q McGillicuddy,
Blood-sucking Attorney for the former Mrs Viti
Mrs Christian wrote:
Would that be unemployed live-in boyfriend? Or live-in boyfriend because if the former Mrs Viti remarries, Mr Viti’s support levels decline?
I have to admit that I worry about McGillicuddy adding to his file every time DV puts up this stuff.
Buddhism forget, the way is The Force. Though sense I much anger in you.
I guess that it would be easy for me to say, y’all stop this, it isn’t worth it, yada, yada, yada, but I haven’t gone through this; Mrs Pico and I have been married for 29 years, six months and 24 days!
But, while these posts are sort of darkly humorous, as you have intended, if the former Mrs Viti knows about this site and reads these posts, and can present any evidence that these posts of yours can be identified to her, she has got one hell of a lawsuit available to her. You’ve said that she hasn’t hesitated to take you to court when she thought it to her advantage, and these posts, made in public, accessible all over the world — and to her friends and neighbors as well — could be held as an attempt to damage her reputation, and possibly get her fired from her job.
Seriously, this way of venting of yours has the potential to be very costly.
Jason wrote:
Yup!
ID-Ten-T Error
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now I have to like sharon b/c her and I sort of had similar experiences
for christ sake!
I don’t care if you like me, DV. But your ex’s bad behavior doesn’t excuse your bad behavior. It’s damaging your kids, who will have to deal with it long after you and the ex are dead. If you love your kids, you’ll stop.
And I haven’t said half of what my ex has done. Because it’s the internet.
Such a shame. Two decent upstanding citizens have ended a marriage. On one side we have a Girl Scout Leader, who provides shelter to stranded, homeless men. She has been known to seek the best psychological care for those entrusted to her care, and provide for them financially at whatever means is at her disposal.
And in this corner, I mean this chair, we have for truly no lack of any better word, a lover. Plain and simple, a lover….just read his messages for all the world. As he traverses the globe, but tied to Delaware, he tries to find love in all religions; whether it be Catholicism, Agnosticism, Patriotism, Alcoholism, and now a hybrid of Buddhism/Alcoholism. But it’s all for love. His dear, sweet current wife attests to that and for 9 years. Why with all that love, what was he to do next? More love outreach–have another child, and he did, and he’s good to that child, and he’s good to that mother of that child, and she repeatedly attests to his spread of love, and willingness to spread love with or without Axe. Why so much love, she must be the one with tough love, and say No, not this minute, on the piano. So your honor, as tough as this decision is, we would ask to remember from the beginning; these were 2 decent people; who’s missions grew bigger than each other. Let them return to the lives they are destined to lead. Mrs. X to the ministry of impressionable girls, and homeless men, and St., I mean Mr. X to his life of love and loving. Again 2 people, on a mission, a greater calling than adjusted payments. Please your honor, don’t cheapen this by bringing money and time into the equasion, and reworking the paperwork. Let it go. Let it be.
There Hef…Just helping w/ the possible collateral damage.