Tag: Satire
Breaking: Mike Pence Wrote the New York Times Editorial
Several days ago Vice President Mike Pence used an intermediary to contact New York Times op-ed page editor Jim Dao.
Through the go-between, Mike Pence expressed interest in writing an explosive piece for the paper, describing a “resistance” to President Trump within the government that works overtime to protect the United States from the president’s worst impulses.
The result, published on the New York Times’ website on Wednesday, prompted speculation all across Washington about who the official is until it became obvious to everyone that it was Mike Pence.
SEN. GARY SIMPSON & SEN. GREG LAVELLE DEMAND STIPENDS FOR WEALTHY
“Today, the Democrats demonstrated where their values lie. They have declared that that they cannot cut taxes for our wealthiest citizens and corporations any lower. The idea that our wealthiest cannot get further tax cuts is mean-spirited and pathetic. The state government spends over $8 billion every year, and very little of that goes directly […]
Schwartzkopf names Cape Henlopen Senior Center a “Priority” Senior Center
The Delaware Speaker of the House says that a low performing Senior Center in Lewes is failing, and the way to fix it is to make the board reapply for their jobs – and to replace the center’s membership with seniors who are not such pains in the ass.
Speaker of the House Rep. Pete Schwartzkopf says it’s necessary for board members to reapply for their jobs, and for the membership to turn over to ensure that every Senior Center member has the commitment to “not calling his office over this bullshit.”
“These Seniors are just a huge pains in the ass,” Pete Schwartzkopf said. “I envision a Charter Senior Center that can select the best Seniors from this area to come here and play cards or do whatever it is they do.”
The center’s board faces the cancellation of its liability insurance at the end of the month and a looming threat from the state to withhold the center’s quarterly grant-in-aid check unless significant changes are made.
For more than two hours, Schwartzkopf, D-Rehoboth Beach, entertained questions from the 60 members in attendance and laid bare the severity of the situation facing the Rehoboth Beach center and the center’s board.
The board’s actions haven’t yet driven the center off the cliff, but it’s getting close, Schwartzkopf said, pushing a piece of paper to the edge of a table as he spoke.
While most of the information wasn’t new to the people in attendance, some found their complaints validated when the speaker of the House went through the center’s by-laws one by one, pointing out how, in his view, the board is violating the by-laws now or has violated them in the recent past.
The by-laws are not there as a suggestion, said Schwartzkopf. They’re there to be followed, he said.
[Note: this is tagged as satire, but whoever reads tags? Not me. When liability insurance is mentioned, it becomes a straight pickup from this Chris Flood story in the Cape Gazette.]
Senator Tom Carper’s Greatest Hits: The DL Guest Posts
From 2007 to 2009 we got some great guest posts from Senator Tom Carper. I always enjoyed the saltiness of them even though I was routinely threatened with dismemberment. Anyway, stumbling over one of them yesterday made me nostalgic, so I went and dug up TC’s greatest hits. This was the first one. In it, he was trying to explain to the DL audience why he voted to give George W. Bush the authority to bug every phone, and read every email in the country without probable cause.
Tom Kovach on the ineptitude of the Romney campaign
Yeah uh…. Well, I uh… You see the thing you need to keep in mind is uh… Oh, fuck it. They are running a terrible campaign.
Republicans Hate Grandmothers
Viviette Applewhite will not be allowed to vote in the 2012 election due to a Pennsylvania law requiring photo id’s to vote. Voting since 1960, Applewhite does not drive and had her purse stolen. Apparently state officials cannot locate her birth certificate, after all she is 93 years old.
Made-Up-Quote of the Day
Ruport Murdoch testifying in UK said: “I don’t believe in using hacking, in using private detectives or whatever, that’s a lazy way of reporters not doing their job.”
I Need Something Funny Today, And So Do You!
Everyone seems a wee bit testy, so I thought I’d lighten things up! The Mike Tyson as Herman Cain Funny or Die video.
Funny… Except I Can (and Have) See It Happening
Here’s a taste of a post at kos called Probable beltway evolution of Wilson’s “You Lie“ Ezra Klein Joe Wilson’s “you lie” comment might be a great boon to the Democrats in their bid to pass health care. EVOLVES TO Michael Scherer (Time.com) Joes Wilson broke decorum when he screamed “you lie” which may come […]
Republican Jokester
Finally, a Republican joke that’s both funny and original. Kudoos. h/t Newsbusters
Sunday Morning Religious Instruction
The wonderful story about God’s newest bestest idea and how Abraham and Ivan execute it.
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