Coons Gravely Concerned About Biden’s “MAGA Republicans” Comments

Coons expressed disappointment and concern over Joe Biden's use of the term 'MAGA Republicans' to disparage Republicans who contend that Donald Trump won the last Presidential election. "I'm just not a fan of confrontational politics." Coons stated on CNN's Reliable Sources "I really think that if we continue to seek bipartisan compromise by assuming the fetal position and allowing our friends and colleagues on the other side of the isle to kick us repeatedly, they will soon become exhausted from kicking."
Yeah this is satire. Barely. If Coons releases a statement, I trust you, dear reader, to let me know.

Coons Agrees with GOP That 1/6 Commission Should Investigate ANTIFA?

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WASHINGTON – U.S. Senator Chris Coons (D-Del.) stated that "in the interest of balance" he would pursue a bipartisan commission to investigate the 1/6 attack on the Capitol and investigate the ANTIFA riots which gripped Washington last Summer. "I agree with the Minority Leader. We have an opportunity to join with our good friends in the Republican Party and address the looting instigated by ANTIFA and other radical leftists."
Coons didn't actually say any of that. He does favor a bipartisan commission though, and Spokesperson for the Super Secret Bipartisan Caucus, Susan Collins, said the commission must investigate all domestic terrorism - so it isn't exactly outlandish to think that this sort of statement is possible.

Breaking: Delaware Division of Corporations Set To Expose Trump’s Delaware-Based Money Laundering Operations

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In a break with tradition, Delaware Division of Corporations is prepared to draw back the curtain of secrecy that has protected criminal operations through impenetrable webs of anonymous corporations. Division of Corporations Marketing Director, Cynthia Kane, announced the change in a press release early Tuesday.
"The State of Delaware is a leading domicile for U.S. and international corporations. More than 1,000,000 business entities have made Delaware their legal home. As such, we have a responsibility to root out criminal enterprises which threaten the system by bringing disrepute to the Division of Corporations and the entire State of Delaware"
According to sources within the Division Secretary of State, Jeffrey W. Bullock, is prepared to initiate sweeping changes in the agency's secrecy policies by fully investigating whether Donald Trump's web of Llcs and shell corporations have been laundering money for the regime of Russian President Vladimir Putin. The secrecy of Delaware's Division of Corporations has recently been brought to light by reporting on the Delaware Call.

Breaking: Mike Pence Wrote the New York Times Editorial

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Several days ago Vice President Mike Pence used an intermediary to contact New York Times op-ed page editor Jim Dao. Through the go-between, Mike Pence expressed interest in writing an explosive piece for the paper, describing a "resistance" to President Trump within the government that works overtime to protect the United States from the president's worst impulses. The result, published on the New York Times' website on Wednesday, prompted speculation all across Washington about who the official is until it became obvious to everyone that it was Mike Pence.